


The People You Love

by Mosswillow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alpha Ben Solo, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted assault (ch 14), Did I already mention emotional hurt?, Dubious Consent, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional hurt (once more for good measure.), Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Get ready to cry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/referenced attempted suicide (described briefly but not super detailed) (not Rey) (ch 15), It's beautiful but very mature, Knotting, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mental Health Issues, Omega Rey (Star Wars), Protective Ben Solo, Slow Burn, Suicidal thoughts (very mild no actual planning) ch 8, This fic is potentially very triggering please be careful, some violence, unconscious medical procedure (chapter 6)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:02:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 42,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26554786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mosswillow/pseuds/Mosswillow
Summary: Rey watches waves roll over the sand and looks out on the expanse of sea. This island is all She knows anymore. The sea calls her, promising adventure and love. Sometimes she feels like jumping in and swimming until the sea swallows her up and she’s no longer herself, but one with the dark water.---Rey is raised by her grandfather, who takes her to an island away from society. One day a group of men show up on her island and she finds herself running away from Ben Solo. She doesn't know anything about the outside world but that won't stop her from running until she can't run any longer. She's always wanted adventure and now she's finally getting it, whether she wants it or not.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 225
Kudos: 330





	1. It calls me

**Author's Note:**

> Beep beep beep. Stop here and check out these fics. They have similar feels with the island thing, being raised by the grandfather, and arranged marriage. 
> 
> Touch Me There
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24174589/chapters/58221805
> 
> The Island Effect
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23719903/chapters/56958043

15 years ago. 

“I don’t want to go to bed!” 

“One more song, ok? Me and Daddy need to leave soon.” 

Rey settles into her mother's lap, singing along to the lullaby. Afterwards, Rey gets under her covers, holding a little stuffed stingray. It’s her most treasured possession. Her parents had gotten the toy for her at an aquarium when her mother was pregnant. They called Rey their little stingray throughout the pregnancy, eventually naming her Rey when she was born. 

“We love you so much Rey.” Her parents say, giving her kisses. 

The glow of Rey’s nightlight dances across the wall like waves as she falls asleep. She feels safe and warm tucked into her soft bed.

The next morning she’s woken by her babysitter and a stranger in her room. Rey hugs her stuffed stingray and looks at the stanger, alarmed and confused. 

“Hi sweetie my name is Phasma and I’m a social worker. Do you know what that is?” 

Rey shakes her head no.

“Where’s mommy and daddy?” 

Phasma crouches down to Rey’s eye level and knits her brows, making a kind face and Rey’s babysitter sits next to her, taking her hand. Rey’s heart starts to beat faster.

“Your parents were in a car accident and they died. Your grandfather is on his way to get you right now. Do you have any questions?” 

Rey barely understands death. She knows what it means but can’t completely comprehend what’s happening. 

“I want my mommy.” 

Rey starts crying. She wants her mom and dad. Her babysitter holds her and Rey won’t let go. She stays attached to the babysitter until her grandfather arrives. He’s a tall man, standing over six feet. He looks like a much older version of her father and that gives her comfort. 

“Rey, I’d like you to pack up everything you want to keep ok? You can take as much with you as you want.” Her grandfather tells her. 

Rey packs up her favorite toys and some things that were her parents. Her grandfather packs things up that he wants and some more that he knows Rey might want in the future. 

They get in a car and Rey drifts in and out of consciousness as they drive to the ocean. They transfer to a boat. The journey takes almost an hour and it both feels like an eternity and only a few minutes before they’re docking at her new home, a small island in the middle of which is a large, angular home. She’s never been here before. Her parents have told her about her grandfather but this is the first time she’s actually met him or been to his home. 

He leads her to a large room with a twin sized bed and she sits. It doesn’t feel safe to her, it feels cold and sharp in this new home. She curls into a ball and calls out for her parents, she wants so badly for them to walk through the door and take her home. They don’t walk though though and they never will.

-o-

A few months into living on the island Rey turns seven. She blows out the candles on her cake and wishes to leave. She doesn’t want to go home, she knows her parents won’t be there and it will just be heartbreaking. She imagines herself as a character in a story her parents used to read to her. The little girl would travel around seeing everything the world had to offer. That’s what she wants in life, to see everything, know everything. Her brain is bright and colorful, it constantly twirls around chattering with itself. one day she’ll leave this island and set her brain free.

2 years ago.

Rey watches waves roll over the sand and looks out on the expanse of sea. This island is all She knows anymore. The sea calls her, promising adventure and love. Sometimes she feels like jumping in and swimming until it swallows her up and she’s no longer herself, but one with the dark water. 

Rey removes her clothes and jumps into the cool water. She swims out as far as she’s allowed then swims back, continuing this until she’s worn out. It’s a tradition for her on her birthday. She started it a few years after she moved to the island. She’s eighteen now and has been living there for a little over a decade. The first time she swam back and forth it gave her a sense of freedom, like if she just kept swimming she’d come out the other side to find that piece of her that’s missing. The piece of her that was torn away when her parents died. She barely remembers her parents now. She has memories of her mother's warm smile and her father's strong arms. She remembers feeling safe and loved. She remembers waking up to the social worker telling her that she wouldn’t see her parents ever again. That they had died and the closest living relative was her grandfather who she had never met. 

She has vague memories of riding on a boat to the island and crying in her bed for weeks. Slowly over time her grandfather was able to earn her trust. He showed her beautiful parts of the island, picking fruit and playing on the beach. He gave her books and let her have free reign, encouraging her to be independent and enjoy her life. She started to forget about life before. She remembers seeing cars and airplanes, eating ice cream with her parents in a little shop. She remembers parks and friends. It’s all fuzzy though and through the lens of a child who can’t comprehend the things around them. Her knowledge comes from books and vague memories and she wants to know more, needs to know more.

“Rey!” 

Her grandfather calls to her from the house, using a microphone to project his voice. She jumps up, running to the large building she calls home. The table is set for dinner and she sits at it, poking at her food. Her grandfather sets his fork down and puts his hand over hers.

“You have to stop spending all your time staring out at the sea like that.” 

“I just want to see what’s out there.” 

“It’s dangerous Rey, you know there are evil men who want you out there.” 

“But grandfather.” 

“No buts, I don’t want to hear about this anymore.” 

Rey eats the rest of her dinner in silence. She stares at the candles on her cake before blowing them out.

Her grandfather has kept her safe. The outside world is dangerous and she’s delicate. She knows she’ll be eaten alive out there but she also can’t help but daydream about leaving her island. She feels a pang of guilt as she wishes for a way off. She’s grateful to her grandfather but desperately wants more. 

After dinner Rey goes to her room, walking through halls and up a large stairway. She starts feeling fatigued half way up the staircase. By the time she reaches her room she feels like she’s about to collapse. She starts warm and cold at the same time, . Maybe she overdid it swimming. She goes to the bathroom and starts the shower, turning it to cold and getting in. It doesn’t help. her emotions start spiraling out of control and she sobs. She’s not even sad, it’s like her body is doing things without her. A voice starts talking to her, telling her she needs him, needs something inside her, filling her up. She has no idea what’s happening. Maybe she’s sick. She gets out and throws on a robe, tip toeing to her grandfather's study where he’s still awake. 

“Rey, are you ok?” 

“I think I’m sick.” 

“Come here dear.” 

Rey walks to her grandfather and he feels her forehead. His nostrils flare and his face drops for a second before landing in a neutral position.

“Rey, honey. I should have prepared you for this. I thought there was a little more time. You have a… condition.” 

“What condition? What’s happening?” 

Rey’s grandfather stands and walks to a cabinet, pulling out a bottle of pills. 

“It’s nothing to worry about. It can be managed easily with medication. You will have to take one pill every day or else the pain will come back. With the medication your life should feel normal.” 

Rey takes the bottle of pills and opens it up, swallowing a pill. She walks back to her room and writhes in pain. The medication finally kicks in and she’s able to fall asleep. 

One year ago.

Rey sits at the table with her grandfather and one of his friends. They don’t get many visitors and when they do it’s always weird and uncomfortable. The man stares at Rey, his eyes raking over her body. Rey shrinks into her seat, feeling naked despite being fully clothed. 

“She’s full grown now.” 

“Don’t look at her like that. I’ll kill you if you touch her, you know I will.” 

“Weren’t you supposed to...” 

“I can do whatever I want to do. No more talking about that.” 

The man goes silent. After dinner Rey’s grandfather takes her arm and leads her to her room. 

“Lock your door tonight ok?” 

“What did he mean? What were you supposed to do?” 

“Nothing you need to worry about ok?” 

Rey nods and steps into her room, closing and locking the door. She waits several minutes before opening her door and sneaking through the hallways to her grandfather's study. She sits with her back to the door, listening to their conversation. 

“Do you have the money?” Her grandfather says. 

There’s movement and then a small thud. 

“Whoever she’s assigned to is probably looking for her.” 

“They won’t find me.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” 

“I won’t give her away.” 

“I say this as a friend ok, you’re not in your right mind.” 

“I know what’s best for my grandaughter. She’s never leaving and if you keep talking about it you’ll regret it deeply.”

Rey hears footsteps move towards the door and she runs back to her room.  
The next morning she watches out her window as the mysterious man walks to the boat ramp and drives his boat away. 

Present 

Rey jumps from rock to rock, the path worn from years of use. She loves to spend the mornings outdoors, running around the island. She’s found peace in the last, barely even looking out to sea anymore. 

She takes her yearly swim, doing laps back and forth before coming back to the house for dinner. She blows out her candles and doesn’t make a wish. There’s no point, she won’t be leaving here ever.

That evening she puts her pajamas on and looks out the window. She sees a light that isn’t normally there. She strains her eyes and watches it grow closer. It’s a boat. She runs to her grandfather's room and knocks loudly. 

“Grandfather, A boat!” She cries. 

He opens his door and looks at her with wide eyes. They run to the window together and look out. 

“Go hide where you’re supposed to and I’ll come for you when it’s safe.” 

Rey runs out of the house but instead of going to the hidden room under the shed she climbs a tree, hiding in it and watching the boat. She watches it get closer and closer to the shore then dock. A group of men get out and her eyes immediately land on a man dressed in all black. Dark, swooping hair frames his pale face. He moves his hand through his hair, sweeping it to the side. She sucks in a breath, mesmerized by the man. The group starts toward the house, getting closer to her and she holds her breath as they pass under her. They make it to the house and her grandfather walks out, meeting them outside. 

The men surround her grandfather. She can’t hear what they’re saying but her grandfather looks angry. She watches one of the men pull a gun out. Her grandfather grabs a pistol out too and there’s a loud bang. Rey gasps as she watches her grandfather drop to the ground. She’s frozen in fear and shock. Should she run to his side? Should she stay in the tree? She almost doesn’t see that the man in black looking straight at her. He says something and everyone turns and looks at Rey. She springs into action, dropping from the three and running full speed through the forest as men chase after her. They’re yelling at her, asking her to stop but she doesn’t. She has the advantage of knowing the island. It’s easy for her to weave through the forest. She reaches where boats are kept. She gets in one and lowers it down quickly, starting it up. Her heart beats fast as she starts driving it away from the island, away from her home. She’s always wanted to leave, always wanted adventure. This isn’t what she meant and now that she’s actually in the boat she wishes she was anywhere else. 

She hears a deep voice call her name. Her whole body wants to stop and pay full attention to the voice. She looks behind her and sees the man in black, standing on the beach. He keeps yelling but she’s too far away now to make out what he’s saying. She turns back to the expanse of water, taking a shaky breath and pushing any doubts out of her mind. 

Stingrays symbolize cleverness and protection. They adapt to their surroundings, hiding in the rocks and sand. Rey hopes that her namesake helps her now. She needs to be clever and adapt. A single tear escapes her eye and she wipes it away. She’ll cry when she’s safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is inspired by two songs from Moana, how far I'll go and I am Moana. The inspiration is throughout the fic but also specifically in this chapter (How far I'll go) and in a future chapter that I'll point out when we get there (I am Moana). 
> 
> I spent so long on this first chapter and I still don't really like it. In the end I just decided to post it. I've had this story swirling around in my brain for a few weeks now. It's pretty well planned and I've written a decent amount. I've been super busy lately but hopefully I'll be able to update regularly.


	2. Clay

Rey keeps the boat swift and steady, creating a nice distance between her and the men chasing her. She starts running immediately after hitting land, completely abandoning the boat. She doesn’t know where she’s going but she knows they’ll find her if she stays there. It’s still dark outside which helps her conceal where she runs. She runs until she finds a house. It’s a cute light blue home with white trim surrounded by delightful sculptures of various animals. She stares at the home, deciding what the best move is. If they’re after her, which she’s confident they are, she won’t get far on foot. She doesn’t know who lives in this home. Her grandfather made it sound like nobody from the outside world would help her but she doesn’t feel like she has many choices at the moment. She walks up to the door confidently and knocks, hearing a commotion a few minutes later as someone makes their way to the front door. 

“I’m so sorry to bother you, which way is the closest city?” Rey says to the stranger, a handsome brown skinned man with piercing black eyes. 

The man looks her up and down and motions for her to come in. His eyes go soft and he gives a warm smile that makes Rey relax. There’s something about him that gives off a feeling of peace.

“The outskirts of coruscant is about an hour drive from here. I can give you a ride if you want.” 

“That would be amazing. When can we leave?” 

“We can go tomorrow morning.”

“Finn, who is it?” Another man walks into the room and over to Finn, rubbing his eyes as he walks. He Takes Finn's hand and gives him a kiss on the cheek. 

“I don’t actually know.” Finn says.

“Oh, I’m Rey.”

“I’m Finn and this is Poe.”

“I don’t want to be rude but why are you here?” Poe says, staring at Rey’s bare feet.

Rey starts to visibly panic and the men motion for her to sit on the couch. 

“Hey, you’re obviously running away from something. We’ll help you, don’t worry. I just want to know what we’re dealing with here,” Poe says.

“I don’t know who I’m running from or even if they’re still chasing me. They might have just been after my grandfather. I just know they’re dangerous.”

“If they come here we’ll say we didn’t see you.” Finn reassures Rey.

“Why would they be after you? Are you hiding from your assignment or something?” Poe asks.

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Oh, you’re a scavenger. I’ve heard of people who aren’t in the system but I’ve never met one before.”

“I guess that’s what I am. I’ve never heard of that before.”

There’s a knock on the door and they all go silent. 

“Stay quiet.” 

Finn walks to the door and opens it. Poe holds Rey’s hand and they hold their breaths, listening to the conversation.

“Hello sir, I'm sorry to wake you. Have you seen a girl passed through here?”

“I haven't seen anyone officer.”

“Well if you do, call this number. She’s lost and needs help.”

“Should I be locking my doors? Is she dangerous?” 

“She’s just lost is all.” 

“Ok, I’ll keep my eyes out.” 

“Good night sir.” 

Finn closes the door and walks back to Rey and Poe.

“How did you get on the Solo's bad side?” Finn asks, holding up two different business cards, a government one and one with the name Solo on it.

“I don’t even know who that is,” Rey says.

“You really don’t know anything about society do you? The Solo’s are a pretty powerful family. The man who was just at the door was from assignment services. He showed me his badge and everything.”

“Didn’t the solo kid, Ben. didn’t his assignment go missing or something?” Poe says.

They both look at Rey.

“Yeah but Ben is an Alpha and she doesn’t smell like an Omega.” Finn says.

“What’s an Omega?” 

“Ok, yeah she’s definitely not an Omega. No way she’s the missing assignment. You’re way too old not to have presented yet. Oh man, how do I even explain what an Omega is to her?” Finn says.

“Do you know what an Alpha or Beta is?” Poe asks Rey.

“My grandfather mentioned once that he’s an Alpha but that’s the only thing I know.” 

“Ok, uh well your grandfather was probably a pretty big guy right?” Poe asks.

“And really controlling and confident?” Finn interjects.

Rey nods. 

“That’s an Alpha, big, strong, and overbearing. Omega’s are like the opposite, they’re small and quiet and gentle. Alphas and Omegas are made for eachother. Poe and I are Betas. We have a mix of both traits, not overly dominant and not really submissive either.” 

“So Omega’s are just people who like being submissive?” 

“Um, not really. It’s like a biological thing. You can’t decide to be an Omega, it’s genetic like eye color. There are other things than just being submissive. They’re also more fertile and have certain needs that require an Alpha. They’re at risk for a ton of different health issues if they don’t have an Alpha taking care of them and Alphas are the same way. They need each other to regulate their emotions. Omegas go through something called heat that’s basically just being in pain unless an Alpha has sex with them.” 

“That sounds horrible.” 

“Yeah, I mean I’m glad I’m not one but they’re well taken care of. The government does a good job of making sure all of them have Alphas and everything. They don’t have to worry about having a job unless they want to work and they’re pretty well loved in society.”

Rey takes in the information. There’s so much she doesn’t know, so much that her grandfather didn’t tell her about the world outside of the island. She’s not sure if she’s angry that she was kept so secluded or happy about it. She appreciates everything she had on the island. She was happy and carefree. Her mind feels full of so much information and she wants to turn it off for a bit. Poe and Finn sense her fatigue and Poe claps his hands.

“Hey, it’s late. Let’s get you to bed.” 

Poe gets some blankets, pillows, and a new set of clothes, creating an area for Rey to sleep on the couch. She cuddles under the blankets and falls asleep almost immediately. Something about this home makes her feel safe. She doesn’t know if her grandfather lied or she was just lucky to find someone kind but either way she feels a sense of calm here. The couch feels just as comfortable as her own bed on the island.

The next morning Rey wakes up to a hand on her back. She opens her eyes and sits up. Poe is crouching beside her. He rubs her arm up and down gently. 

“Are you ok sweetie?” 

Rey brings her hand to her face and feels wetness under her eyes. She must have been crying in her sleep. She finds that the tears keep falling despite her not feeling sad. She doesn’t feel like crying but here she is, sobbing uncontrollably in front of a stranger.

“I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m crying.” 

Poe brings Rey into a hug, holding her until the tears finally stop. 

“I don’t even feel sad.” She says. 

“Sometimes the body reacts to trauma before the mind.” 

“They murdered my grandfather.” Rey whispers, saying it more to herself than to Poe. She doesn’t feel anything about it. It’s a weird disconnect, like her mind and body aren’t talking to each other. She knows she should feel sad but she just doesn’t. Her body feels sore and tired and her mind is just numb. 

“Breakfast is ready!” Finn says from the kitchen. 

They walk over to the kitchen bar and sit on stools. Finn places a plate of food in front of Rey, urging her to take bites. She eats slowly, looking around the kitchen and watching the men eat and talk. She didn’t really take in their home the night before. It’s precious, light and airy and clean. The layout is open and simple. Her home on the island was almost clinical, with sharp edges everywhere. Living there was like living in a maze. Every item in Finn and Poe’s home looks special, like they took a lot of thought before picking it out. The plates they eat off of are all different but complementary. It’s the same with the decor and the furniture. It all works together but it’s also all unique. 

Rey watches Finn and Poe interact with each other and they’re the exact same way. They’re different and unique but complement each other in a way that’s beautiful to watch. From the little she’s interacted with them she’s found that Finn acts without thinking. He trusts his gut and does what he thinks is right without question. Poe puts more thought into things but when he chooses to do something he goes all in. They work together, both using their strengths to counteract each other's weaknesses.

“Rey, honey we were talking last night.” Finn says awkwardly.

Rey stiffens, she’s sure they’re going to turn her in. Those men are going to come here and shoot her. Her grandfather was right.

“We can’t let you go, at least not right now. You don’t have any papers, or clothing, or money. We’re worried about what would happen to you. We want you to stay here for a bit until we can find a way to get you some papers and a job.” 

“You guys have done enough.” Rey doesn’t want to interrupt their quiet life.

“Please Rey, you can work for us here.”

“But.” 

“I know what you’re going to say. You’re not taking advantage. We run a business from our home and it would be cheaper to have you work with us than hiring someone. We could make it long term if it works out and if not we’ll give you some money and papers to get a job in the city.” 

“What do you guys do?” 

“We have a pottery business. There are a few stores in neighboring towns and one in the big city that we supply to. You would mostly be packing and sorting at first but with time you could learn the trade.” 

Rey considers their offer. It feels too good to be true. She doesn’t really have a better plan and they seem genuine with their offer. 

“Ok, I can stay for now at least. Thank you guys.” 

Poe and Finn smile at each other then at Rey. It feels easy with them, like they’re all on the same wavelength. After breakfast they go to the backyard where a large detached garage stands. Inside is a studio full of shelves with finished ceramic pieces, wheels, a work station, and a sink. Poe hands Rey a clip board and motions to a shelf, full of finished pieces. 

“These need to be categorized and packed.” 

He points to a place on the paper. 

“This is the orders and numbers of each style needed. Just count out how many, mark that they’re complete, pack in the box, and label like this.” 

Poe shows Rey how to pack the ceramics carefully and use the label maker and they all get to work. They get into a groove, the boys working on the pottery and Rey handling the packaging. 

When Rey finishes her work she heads inside to make lunch. As she prepares their food she realizes that it’s time for her to take her medication. She wasn’t able to get it when she left. She doesn’t know how long until her symptoms will come back and isn’t even sure what the name of her condition is. She feels uncomfortable bringing it up to Poe and Finn and decides to wait and see if she starts feeling bad before saying anything. They don’t need to worry about her heath, they’re already doing enough.

The next day Rey works with Poe in the garage while Finn goes into town to drop off an order. Rey finishes unpacking a kiln and sits beside Poe, watching him work. It’s relaxing, watching his hands move the clay up and down on the wheel, pulling up a volcano shape and pushing it back down several times before manipulating the clay into a mug, then starting over again with a new slab of clay. She’s amazed at how easily he creates identical looking pieces. 

“Do you want to learn?” 

Rey smiles and nods.

Poe takes a wire clay cutter and pulls it through a large square of clay. He hands her the small piece.

“Right now I just want you to make something, anything you want. Just get used to working with the medium. After you’ve made a few pieces that way I’ll help you start on the wheel.” 

Rey kneads and forms the Clay, deciding on a little stingray. She had to leave behind her stuffed animal and it breaks her heart that it’s gone forever. They work in silence for a bit before Rey speaks again.

“You said something about assignments last night. What does that mean? What are assignment services?” 

“Oh, well everyone is assigned a partner by the government. Beta’s usually get their assignment after puberty and Alphas and omegas get theirs sometime in the first few years of their lives. Assignment services is a government agency that helps keep that going smoothly. Sometimes people run and hide for whatever reason.” 

“Why are Beta’s assigned after puberty but not Alphas and Omegas?”

“You can’t tell who a Beta will be compatible with until after we’re past puberty. We fill out long questionnaires at the doctors after we’re determined fully developed, mentally and physically. Alphas and Omegas are pretty much compatible with each other no matter what.”

“My parents' death hit my grandfather pretty hard. I wonder if that’s why he kept me away like that. Maybe he didn’t want me moving away and getting assigned” 

“That’s my best guess and explains the assignment service officer. You’re a Beta so you wouldn’t have an assignment even if you were born in society. I’m not really sure why the Solo’s are involved but what your grandfather did was a crime. They should have brought him in to be tried though.” 

“What will happen if I get papers if I don’t have a partner?” 

“Some people can’t be assigned for whatever reason. We can find a way to get you papers that say either you’re a widow or you have no assignment. They may show up at your doorstep one day with someone they want you to be with. Don’t worry about that though. By the time you have to deal with those things you’ll have a lot more experience with the world.” 

Rey finishes her stingray and leaves it on the drying rack. She goes inside to shower before Finn gets home. She washes her hair and gets out of the shower, pulling on some borrowed clothes from Poe and Finn. She sits on the couch, thinking she’ll relax for a few minutes before starting dinner for the boys but not even five minutes after sitting down she drifts off to sleep, her head resting on the arm of the sofa and her legs still dangling over the edge.


	3. Friends

Rey wakes up disoriented and confused. A blanket is draped over her and she pushes it off, stretching as she stands. Golden light shines through the window and she realizes she’s been asleep for several hours. She starts panicking. She was supposed to make dinner for Finn and Poe. 

“We didn’t want to wake you up.” Finn calls from the kitchen. 

Rey walks over to Finn, taking the spoon and pushing him playfully out of the room. 

“I wanted to make dinner for you guys.” 

“It's fine, you need the rest.” 

“No, I need to make dinner and I didn’t.” a lump forms in Rey's throat and tears threaten to spill.

“Rey...”

“I just need to do this ok?” 

Finn and Poe give Rey space, taking seats and watching her work. She doesn’t really know why but she feels the overwhelming urge to take care of them. It feels right to make the home clean and ready. What she needs the home ready for, she doesn’t know. She feels like she completely failed by falling asleep. Maybe she feels bad for staying with Poe and Finn despite their reassurances that they want her. Maybe she’s just trying to keep herself busy. 

She loads up plates for everyone and sets the table, waiting for Poe and Finn to take a bite of food before sitting down with them.

“Those government guys are all over town. Are you sure you don’t know why they’re after you?” Finn asks.

“The only thing I can think of is that maybe it has something to do with my grandfather. He had people on the island sometimes that were a little scary. I don’t know though.” 

“If you turn yourself in they’ll probably enter you into the system and help you get set up. You didn’t do anything wrong. That’s an option to consider at least.” Poe says

Rey shakes her head.

“I watched them kill my grandfather. I think that’s why they want me, it has to be.” 

“I agree, it’s too much of a risk to turn yourself in.” Finn says. 

Finn talks excitedly about his day while Poe and Rey listen. Rey likes this, sitting with friends and having a simple conversation. 

“So, we were thinking this weekend we could take the boat out. There’s an area on the coast that we like to go to. It’s secluded so we won’t risk running into anyone I feel like everyone could use a little day trip. Would you be up to that?” 

“Of course!” 

Rey is so used to the sea that even two days away feels weird. 

“We’ll go this weekend then. We can pack lunches and have a picnic.”

Rey doesn’t let Poe or Finn help after dinner. They try to clean up their plates and she gets so upset that they back off and wait in the living room. 

After Rey finishes Poe motions her to follow him. He opens a door that leads to an impressively large closet.

“Ok, I know this isn’t ideal but we don’t want the house to look like you’re living here. If there’s a visitor we can lock the door so nobody goes in. We also want you to have your own space and this is the best we have. When stuff blows over with the government we can think of something better. Of course if you’re more comfortable on the couch that’s totally fine too.” 

Rey looks around. It’s big enough for a twin sized bed, although currently it’s just a pallet on the floor and a small shelving unit.

“It’s perfect, thank you so much.”

Finn walks in with a plastic bag, handing it to Rey. 

“I almost forgot that I got you some stuff while I was out. Mostly toiletries and some clothes. I didn’t want it to look suspicious so everything is from the mens section. I hope that’s ok.” 

“This is more than ok. Thank you so much.” 

Rey kisses Finn on the cheek and arranges her items in her room. It feels nice to have a space that’s here, even if it’s a closet. 

The next few days go by blissfully aside from the nightmares that start plaguing Rey’s sleep. Living with Finn and Poe is like living with family. Rey takes care of a lot of the cooking and housework and helps with the pottery business. She takes care to never go where she can be seen just in case they’re still looking for her. She doesn’t know how long she’ll be with Poe and Finn but for now it feels right. She learns more about the world, about different cities that Finn and Poe promise to take her to one day. About different cuisines and activities like sports and sky diving that she never knew existed.

The weekend comes and Rey watches Poe hook the trailer up to the car. They all climb in and start driving. They arrive at the beach and Rey immediately runs to the water. Not living where she can see the ocean from her bedroom has been a shock. Seeing the familiar sight and smelling the sea air helps her anxiety, which she just now realizes has gotten almost unbearable. She watches from the beach as Poe and Finn put the boat in the water and get it ready. When they finish she walks over to them, a big smile on her face and they climb in, taking the boat out to fish for a bit. None of them catch anything but it’s somehow the most fun time Rey has ever had fishing.

They come back to the beach for lunch, enjoying a picnic before getting in the water. Rey has never had friends to do things like this with. She’s had her grandfather who would play with her growing up but this is different. Poe and Finn are peers. They joke and laugh together. Rey doesn’t feel like a child around them. She just feels like a friend. They make a sand castle and do various beach activities that Rey has never gotten to do with other people. She feels happy and free. 

A pang of guilt hits Rey without warning. Her grandfather just died and she’s having fun. She feels like she should be more upset about it. Maybe she doesn’t feel anything because she’s already gone through losing both parents or maybe it’s another reason. Rey excuses herself and sits on the beach and contemplate her feelings. She stares out at the ocean and realizes that she actually does miss her grandfather. He was less like a grandfather and more like a dad. She misses his jokes and his warm hugs. He used to read outloud to her as a child and she misses his rich baritone voice, reading soothing stories. She does feel pain but before now wasn’t ready to face it.

“Hey, you ok?” 

“I’m fine, I just miss my grandfather,” She admits.

Rey starts crying. Her body finally catching up with her mind. 

“I miss him so much and he’s gone. I watched him die and I can’t get it out of my head. I have nightmares about it every night Poe. And I… everyone I love leaves me, I’m scared to let you guys in” 

“I’m so sorry Rey.” Poe puts his arm around her and Finn comes up on her other side, caging her between them, holding her while she cries. It’s exactly what she needs.

“We’ll always be here for you Rey, we’re not going anywhere,” Finn whispers.

\---

Rey wakes up from a nightmare. They get worse every night. She gets the urge to clean the oven. She doesn’t know why but she feels like if it doesn’t get done right now something horrible will happen. She gets up and checks the clock. It shows two am. She gets to work cleaning the oven, thinking that once it’s done she can go back to bed. However, as soon as she’s finished she feels the urge to move the couch and mop underneath. She Keeps cleaning all night until Finn and Poe find her the next morning ironing the table cloths. They approach her slowly, like they’re trying to catch a stray dog.

“How long have you been up?” 

Rey shrugs and moves to pour two cups of coffee. She hands the mugs to Finn and Poe and gets started on breakfast for them. 

“Rey, you can skip work today, please just sleep ok?” Poe says.

“No, I’m fine.” 

Finn goes up to her and holds his hand on her forehead. 

“You feel a little warm.” 

Rey steps back, saying nothing and continues to iron the table cloths. 

“I need to strip the beds and clean all the linens but I didn’t want to wake you up.” 

“They were just washed a few days ago,” Finn says.

“Rey stop.” Poe says, raising his voice louder than Rey has ever heard.

Rey looks at him, confused. 

“I know grief looks different for everyone and I’m usually all for letting you do whatever you need, but I’m going to have to make an executive decision right now.” 

He walks over to her, putting his hands on his shoulders and looking in her eyes. 

“Go. To. Bed.” 

Rey sucks in a breath. 

“I want to keep working.” 

“I won’t let you do anymore work today. Go to bed Rey. Right now.” 

Relief washed over her. It’s like she couldn’t stop herself until someone told her what to do. She walks to her room and lies down on her little pallet, finally relaxing. She’s always liked having clear rules. Her grandfather raised her with very clear expectations. Having Poe be direct and setting a rule makes her feel at home in a way.

Rey stares at her dinner that evening. Her appetite is lost and she feels tired.

“Are you sick?” poe asks. 

“I think so, I’m going to go to bed.” Rey says. 

She makes it to her room, closing the door and collapsing on her pallet. She wakes half way through the night hot and in pain. It’s starting again, her sickness. She doesn’t know how long she’ll be in pain. Maybe it will be forever. There’s a knock on her door early in the morning and it opens when she doesn’t answer. 

“Rey, are you…” 

Poe stops mid sentence. 

“Oh my god, Finn!” he yells. Fin comes running and gasps. 

“How did we not know?” 

“She didn’t smell like anything at first. I guess it just kinda crept up slowly cause now I’m realizing so many things” 

Rey can barely hear what they’re saying. All she can focus on is the pain. 

“You’re going to be ok. We’ll get you some more blankets, food, water, shit what else do they need?” Poe asks finn. 

“How should I know that!” Finn says, arms raised.

“You had that Omega friend growing up.” 

“We never talked about her heats Poe!” 

They leave and come back with blankets, which Rey definitely needs, although she doesn’t know why. She takes them and the food and locks them out, feeling like her space needs to be safe and protected. 

She spends several days writhing in pain. It comes in waves, the only thing that helps is orgasming and that only helps for a little while. She only leaves to use the restroom and she goes as quickly as possible before coming back to her room. She should have told them about this. She thought maybe it wouldn’t come back. She was obviously wrong.

On the fourth day she starts coming out of it, mostly sleeping and eating. She comes out of her room in the evening, letting Poe and Finn know that she’s feeling better, taking a shower, and washing her blankets. 

Finn gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek in the evening “Love you Rey,” he says.

“What happens now?” Rey whispers as she hugs him back. 

Finn and poe share a look. 

“What happens is we still love you, no matter what,” Poe says.

-o-

The next morning Rey feels completely fine. She walks out of her room and is immediately assaulted by an overpowering smell. It’s the best thing Rey has ever smelled. Like the woods and chocolate and spice. She looks to the kitchen and sees Finn sitting at the counter. He turns and looks at her apologetically. She stops where she is, somethings wrong. They were acting weird last night but now it’s even worse. She feels Poe’s hand on her back, rubbing gentle circles. 

“I’m sorry Rey, we had to.” Poe says.

Two small pieces of paper that sit on the coffee table catch her eye. It’s the business cards the government agent gave Finn that first night. They called the Solo’s and turned her in. Rey’s stomach drops, the betrayal she feels is overwhelming. The man in black who she now recognizes as Ben solo comes into view. She watches his nostrils flare and he takes a step towards her, reaching out. His face is both soft and hard at the same time, like he’s holding back something. Rey backs up until she hits the wall.

“Omega,” he says quietly. 

His voice makes her want to drop to her knees. It’s deep and commanding and everything a voice should sound like. Instead of moving to Ben she takes off, running to the back door, pulling it open, and sprinting through the yard. There are yelling voices and she knows without looking that Ben isn’t alone. They’re going to kill her now, she knows it. She hears loud footsteps come after her, gaining ground but she just keeps running steady, weaving between trees and dodging holes. 

“Please stop!” he yells after her but she keeps running.

She hears a grunt and yell and knows Ben has fallen. She doesn’t hear him get up, doesn’t hear anymore running behind her. She doesn’t look back, just runs and runs until she can’t run any longer, finally looking behind her to see an empty forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author commentary ahead!
> 
> I feel like this chapter is really fun with the build up into heat. She slowly starts showing the symptoms but everyone just thinks it's grief. Also, with the whole build up of Poe and Finn getting close to Rey and helping her. I was trying to make the reader feel connected to them so that the betrayal would really hurt. Hopefully that was successful but idk.
> 
> Please someone tell me you want to punch Poe and Finn in the face.


	4. BB-8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - sexual assault.

Rey can’t believe she’s in this position again, running away barefoot and in pajamas. She hears a gunshot in the distance and jumps. Was that gunshot aimed at Finn or Poe? She doesn’t know how she can live with herself if it is. They turned her in, betrayed her trust. They didn’t even talk to her before calling the Solo’s. She can’t help but love them still. Her love for them makes her even more upset with what they did. She almost wants to turn back but it wouldn’t do anything. Going back would only get herself caught and do nothing to help her friends. 

She can hear a few cars driving and follows the sound to a road. Her only plan is to keep moving and hope things just work out. It’s not much of a plan but she’s never really had one anyway. She walks for almost an hour before she hears another car behind her. She moves out of the road quickly, running into the woods. She hopes that the driver didn’t see her. They evidently did though because the car comes to a stop right after her hiding spot. The car door opens and an old woman gets out and looks in Rey's direction.

“Are you lost dear? It’s ok, you can come out” 

Rey slowly walks towards the woman, crossing her arms protectively in front of her chest.

“A little bit, I need to get to the closest city.” 

“I’ll give you a ride, hop in.” The woman smiles and gets back in the driver's seat.

Rey can hear her name being yelled somewhere in the distance by multiple voices. She doesn’t recognise any of them and it gives her anxiety. Poe and Finn aren’t calling out for her. They had to have been killed. It’s her fault. She told them about her grandfather's muder. Maybe that’s what they’re trying to cover up. Maybe they’re trying to find her so she can’t spread what they did. She quickly gets in the car and buckles herself in. The woman smiles at her and drives away. She can’t tell people anything about herself anymore. It’ll just put them at risk.

“So, how is it a cute little Omega like you ended up on the side of the road?” 

“It’s a long story.” 

“It’s ok, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. My name is Maz by the way.” 

“I’m… Nina.” 

“You remind me of my daughter. She was always getting herself into trouble around your age.” Maz laughs. 

“So, you want me to drop you off at the nearest town or farther? I’m going all the way to Coruscant” 

“I’ll go as far as you can take me.” 

They drive several hours until they arrive in Coruscant. Rey looks out the window and takes in the city. She’s in awe of the skyscrapers, tall and intimidating. This place is so different from what she’s used to. The amount of people and buildings make her feel less alone, like she’s part of something. She likes that feeling, it gives her butterflies in her stomach. Or maybe she’s just hungry. It could go either way.

She has vague memories of the building from when she was a child but seeing them now is completely different. Maz finally reaches her destination, finding a spot to park and turns to Rey. She reaches into her purse pulling out some cash. 

“Please take this money.” 

Rey takes it wordlessly, not in a position to say no. She opens her mouth to thank Maz for the ride but Maz speaks first, talking fast and forcefully.

“This building has people who will help you.” 

Rey looks at the building and reads the words ‘Coruscant police.’ She takes a step back, shaking her head. 

“Oh, no I can’t.” 

“I can see that you’re not in the system. You don’t even have the Omega bracelet dear. They’ll assign you an Alpha and you can live a happy life. If you’re running away from someone they’ll help you I promise.”

Rey shakes her head again. 

“No, you don’t understand. They want to kill me. I saw something that I shouldn’t have.” 

“Nina...” 

“Thank you for your help Maz.” 

Rey starts into a sprint. She looks over her shoulder as she runs but Maz isn’t following. Rey stops after a few blocks. Her first priority is to get shoes. She looks back and forth on the street looking at shop signs but doesn’t see anything promising. She decides to ask for help and stops a man walking by.

“Uh, excuse me, do you know a place I can buy an inexpensive pair of shoes?” 

The Man looks her up and down, eyebrows raised. 

“Go three blocks up the street and turn right. There’s a thrift store on that corner.” 

“Thank you so much.” 

“Hey, do you…” 

Rey turns and walks away before the stranger can say anything else. She finds the thrift store and wanders in. The shop is small and filled to the brim with all sorts of different items of clothing. The clothing is separated by categories and not by size. There’s a whole rack of clothing just dedicated to sequined outfits and another that has rubber duck themed clothes.

“Welcome to eight ball Thrift.” a voice yells out from behind a stack of clothes. 

“Oh, uh thanks.” 

Rey quietly makes her way to the shoes, finding the cheapest pair that fit her. They’re a pair of strappy sandals with little heart designs all over them. Maz mentioned something about her not having a bracelet and she needs to cover that up. She finds a bargain bin and digs through it, finding an oversized sweater. Now that she has shoes and a sweater she needs to find somewhere to sleep and a job.

“Oh, dear. You look like a wreck.” The person at the register says. Rey stares at them for a second, taking in their appearance. They’re wearing an orange crop top with white cut off shorts and a white beanie. their name tag says Bee B. on it and Rey wonders what the last initial stands for. 

“I’ve been told. Do you happen to know where I could maybe find work without papers and also a place to stay?” Rey gives an awkward smile.

“Man, why are you Omegas so cute with the whole puppy dog eyes and everything? I could use someone to clean in here after we close each night. I’ll give you a place to sleep and minimum wage under the table.” 

“That would be fantastic.” 

“I have to say though that I do not hide Omega’s, ok? If someone comes in here asking about you I won’t lie. I don’t want to know why you’re here or anything and if someone picks you up don’t tell them I helped you.” 

“That’s fair.” 

Rey pays for her clothing and Bee shows her to a small room that can be accessed from the outside of the building as well as the inside. It’s like a storage room, housing cleaning supplies, inventory, and various nick knacks as well as a small couch. There’s a tiny bathroom with a sink and toilet. Bee finds a tapestry and lays it on the couch.

“It’s not much but it’s all I can offer.” 

“It’s more than enough.” 

“Yeah yeah, just be there at eight every day to clean.” 

Rey looks around her little area. She feels extremely lucky to have what she does right now. Her stomach growls and she decides to use the few hours she has to explore a bit and find some food. She buys a hotdog and a water bottle off of a cart with some of her remaining cash and sits on a park bench, watching city dwellers walk around. She’s amazed at all the people in this place. It’s overwhelming. She can’t believe everything that’s happened today from waking up to now. A feeling of grief comes over her and she pushes it down. She doesn’t want to think about Poe and Finn right now, can’t think about them. She finishes her food and walks back to the thrift store.

Bee hands Rey her money after the first night and gives her the rundown on the neighborhood. Where to find cheap groceries and other items, where the closest library is, and some different ideas of things Rey should do in the city. 

“Just be careful. Don’t go out after dark and always stay in a public area. The world isn’t always a safe place for people like you.” 

The next day Rey walks to the closest Library. Bee had given Rey some information to help her get a library card. She looks through the stacks of books, picking them up and reading little snippets. There are so many. She never realized how limited her home library was. Her grandfather kept so many things from her, kept her physically and mentally away from the outside world. 

She gets a librarian to help her log onto a computer. It’s embarrassing to have the librarian explain how everything works but also thrilling to try something new. They had a computer at home but it didn’t have internet. She would do schooling on it growing up but nothing past that. She barely knows what the internet even is. She types Ben Solo into the search engine and finds a ton of links. She clicks on one and reads about his family home in the city. She writes down the address and stuffs it in her pocket. She doesn’t find much else on the Solo's. She finds some pictures of them and reads a little about how their family has a long lineage of powerful people. The recently deceased Anakin Skywalker had helped rebuild the word after the virus killed so much of the population. His wife, Padme lives with the Solo’s now and while they’re no longer leaders in the government they do still hold sway. She looks up her own name and her grandfathers but nothing at all comes up. It’s like they don’t exist. She types ‘Omega’ into the search bar and stops, deleting it and shaking her head. She doesn’t want to know, doesn’t want to confront that piece of her.

She leaves the library early to spend some time at the shop before her work starts. She likes it there. Bee seems to enjoy Rey’s company and Rey starts to feel a bit at ease. She has a place to stay, a job, and a new friend. She knows she can’t risk staying for long but for now she’s safe.

Rey works at the eight ball for several days, cleaning after it closes. She doesn’t make much money but she likes the independence and the city. She starts getting used to and enjoying the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Her days are free and she uses them to explore. One day she gets on the subway, which is expensive for her, and rides it all the way to the other side of the city. She wants to go to the top of the tallest building in the world. Bee told her about it the night before and Rey decided then and there that she would go first thing in the morning. She reaches the impressive building and waits in line to go to the top. A large man stands behind her. She can smell him and recognizes it as an Alpha. She’s not used to smelling the world like this. The presence of the Alpha is uncomfortable. She can almost smell his emotions and can tell he wants her, she knows it. Her turn for the elevator finally comes and she files in with a group. Thankfully the Alpha stranger is stopped before following her in.

The view from the top of the building is incredible. She stands at the window and stares out, amazed at how far she can see. She used to climb up to the tallest spot on the Island and stare out at the sea. This feels similar, staring out across the neverending city and thinking about everything that’s out there.

“What’s an unclaimed Omega doing here alone.” 

Rey tries to shuffle away but the Alpha grabs her wrist. 

“Who do you belong to?” 

He pushes up her sleeve and stares her bare wrist. 

“Where’s your bracelet? Are you a runaway?” 

Rey shakes her head and the man moves to her neck, sniffing. 

“They still haven’t given me one of you. I could just bite right now you know.” 

Rey can smell how turned on the Alpha is. He growls in her ear and her body reacts to him, wetness starting to pool in her underwear. She feels disgusted with herself for how her body is reacting and tries to push him away, tears falling down her face.

“Hey you!” 

A security guard comes to them and pushes the Alpha away.”

“Is she yours?” 

“She is.” 

“No!” Rey yells. 

“Let me see your bracelet young lady.” The guard grabs her wrist.

“I don’t have one.” Rey whispers, looking down.

The guard grabs Rey by the shoulder and pulls her with him to the elevator. He talks into a walky talky. 

“I’ve got an unclaimed Omega here, no bracelet. I’m bringing her down.”

“Copy that, calling assignment services.” 

The man smiles at Rey as they ride the elevator down, letting go of her and stepping back. He’s obviously assuming that Rey will go quietly with him. 

“It’s ok, you’re safe now. We’ll find your family.” 

Rey runs as soon as the elevator door opens, sprinting out of the building and back to the subway. The man tries to run after her but isn’t quick enough. She quickly gets on the subway and rides it to her safe little area in the thrift shop, hiding under the tapestry she uses as a blanket until it’s time to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm changing the tag to dubious consent. I'm sorry if I bait and switched anyone. I try to decide that before I start writing and truly was planning on this to be 100% consensual. I think I added mildly dubious consent after I posted the last chapter and now I'm changing it again as I'm writing and editing more. 
> 
> I promise we get to the Ben part soon! I really hope that everyone is feeling thoroughly confused in a good way.


	5. The Library

Rey rolls off of the couch and makes her way to the store to start work. She helps Bee close and then gets to cleaning. She sweeps, mops and wipes everything down. Bee usually leaves Rey alone in the shop to clean but today they leave and come back holding a paper bag.

“I got you dinner.” Bee says.

“Thank you.” Rey sits beside Bee, digging into the bag and pulling out a generous portion of pasta.

Rey doesn’t eat much at all and she’s starting to lose weight because of it. That’s probably why Bee bought the food. Rey puts most of her money away, hiding it in the couch cushion. She understands that her situation is temporary and is already preparing for when she has to move on. She doesn’t know if that will be tomorrow, next week, or next month but she hopes that the next time she moves it will be a little more prepared.

They sit comfortably together. Spending time with Bee is easy. They don’t ever push or prod Rey. They just sit with her and exist in the same space. She has a question, one that has been in her mind since the incident earlier in the day, but she doesn’t know how to approach it. She decides to just be blunt.

“I used to take these pills. I didn’t know what they were for when I was taking them but now I think that they made me a Beta.” 

Bee cocks their head.

“They’re called Suppressants.” 

“Do you know how I can get some?” 

Bee takes a deep breath and bites their lip. 

“The government has them so locked up, I don’t know if anyone is powerful enough to get ahold of them without a prescription. Even if I knew how to get them I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling you how. Suppressants are illegal for a reason and I’m already putting myself at risk helping you out. I don’t want to add onto what I’m already doing.” 

“Why are they illegal?” 

“I mean, I’m not super knowledgeable on the subject but I was taught in school that they mess with hormone levels and can cause infertility, at least with long term use. I think I read that they dull senses too and can be bad long term if there isn’t a reason to take them.”

Rey doesn’t really care if they’re bad for her. She doesn’t want to feel vulnerable anymore. She feels like at any moment someone will grab her just because of the way she smells. The thought is terrifying.

“‘I’m really grateful and everything for what you’re doing but I don’t understand why you’re helping me.” 

“I keep asking myself that same question. I lost my assignment pretty recently. If He was still here he’d want to help you. He had an Omega brother and always had a soft spot for you guys. I think maybe I feel like helping you brings him back in a small way.”

Bee leans back in their chair and looks into the distance. 

“Although, It might just be because you Omega’s are so damn charming or maybe it’s biology. Most people think of Alphas and Omegas as ruled by their biology while Betas are immune. In reality we all feel it. We feel an urge to help and protect an Omega and when an Alpha speaks we want to listen. We’re affected by you guys too and I think you’re affected by us.” 

“My… guardian always made it seem like everyone would hurt me if I left.”

“I mean, they were right for sure. You’re lucky to have walked into my shop. I think most people would have called the cops. Don’t get me wrong, they’d be doing it to help you. Most people will want to help you. The biological urge to protect you is because you’re more vulnerable. It’s almost like helping a kid. As an unmated Omega If you run across an alpha that hasn’t been assigned and mated it can become dangerous so people tend to be protective when it comes to Omegas. I don’t know what you're running from but I think you should just go to the police. I won’t force you but it’s the right thing. Omegas are valued and protected.” Bee turns and looks Rey in the eyes.

Rey looks down at her food. She doesn’t want to say what happened, that she ended up almost kidnapped by an Alpha. She doesn’t want to tell Bee why she’s running and why she can’t go to the police. It would just put Bee at danger and Rey doesn’t want to do that. She decides to change the subject.

“What do you know about the Solo’s”

“Oh man, uh they live in a swanky brownstone. They’re super wealthy and connected. They’re an interesting family because everyone knows about them but they’re pretty quiet about their lives.” 

“Do you know anything about Ben Solo specifically?” 

“There’s all sorts of gossip about him, nothing confirmed. His assignment went missing a few years ago and he hasn’t been reassigned anyone which is weird for a powerful Alpha. Everyone has different theories about why he doesn’t have a new assignment.” 

“Do you know who he was assigned to? The Omega that went missing?” 

“No, they’ve done a good job of keeping that private. I just know it’s some Omega that went missing shortly before their assignment date. Wait are you? I mean you’re a missing Omega and you’re the right age.”

“Oh, no of course not.”

Rey shakes her head, she couldn’t be. She went to the island as a kid and the Solo Omega has only been missing for a few years. If she was the missing Omega why would her grandfather hide that from her? None of it fits, it can’t be her.

Rey wants to know more about the Solos. Why are they chasing her? She decides the most likely guess is that what she saw on the island needs to be covered up. Maybe what the government was doing was a crime or something. She tries to think about everything that happened that evening. How her grandfather pulled out the gun and they shot him. She thinks about her grandfather. How is he connected with the government or Solos. Maybe her grandfather was hiding on the island just like how she’s hiding now. Neither her or her grandfather are on the internet and she wonders if the government or the Solos are trying to hide something.

A few days later Rey stretches and heads to the library. She goes almost daily to read books and get lost in other worlds if just for a few hours. Today, she gets on the computer, looking up information on suppressants. She finds that it is possible to get them in extreme cases but they have to be prescribed by a doctor. She doesn’t know how to find them outside of that. There’s no way she could go to a doctor without being turned in. Even if she wasn’t turned in she doubts any doctor would prescribe them. She stares at the computer screen, thinking of her next move. Maybe she can buy a tent and live in the woods, moving around every few months. She has to have a way to get income. Maybe Bee has some Ideas of where she can look when she leaves. Starting a new life from nothing is tiring and stressful and Rey just wants to lie down and not think for a few minutes. She stands up to go back to the shop but stops cold in her tracks.

Unfamiliar voices carry through the building. They’re coming from the librarian's desk and Rey looks over to see her worst nightmare. Two men in suits are talking to the librarian. She recognizes the men as government agents, the same ones who she say at Poe and Finns house. She starts to freak out internally. She has to get out of here now. The librarian points Rey's way and the men look straight at her. She’s already running towards the door. 

“Stop right there Omega!” 

She ignores the voice and takes a sharp turn out of the library away from the thrift store she lives at. She knows the area well now and takes a turn down an alleyway where she knows there’s a small hole in the fence she can fit through. The men run after her, gaining ground and she pushes through the fence, ripping her sweater and making a huge gash through her skin. It takes the men a long time to get through the fence which gives Rey just enough time to lose them. She runs into the thrift store, stopping abruptly to talk to Bee. 

“Thank you for helping me but I have to leave. I’ll be going north but don’t have a plan other than that. Can you think of anywhere I should look for work?” 

Bee sighs “It’s going to be hard, try restaurants or shops like mine, that will be your best. Be careful ok?” 

Rey runs to the couch and grabs her cash, it’s not much but hopefully it will last her long enough to find a new source of income. She gives Bee a hug.

“Rey your arm.” 

Rey looks at her blood stained sweater. 

“It’s fine.” 

“Oh, no it’s not.” 

Bee turns around and grabs a new sweater from a stack and a first aid kit. They quickly clean the open wound and wraps a bandage around Rey’s arm. 

“Take the sweater, please.” 

Rey takes it from them and stifles a sob, turning and running out of the shop.

She gets on the subway and rides it across town. She hopes that they don’t find Bee and if they do that Bee will be ok. Rey had said she’s going north but her real plan is to go to the southeast edge of the city. She knows Bee won’t lie on her behalf and wants to protect both of them. She has one place she wants to visit before moving on, the Solo home. She gets off the subway a few blocks away from Solo's house, walking carefully as she gets closer. 

She waits in front of their home for almost an hour. The brownstone is on a corner and Rey stands at a catty-corner. It’s beautiful, the whole area is, with perfect trees lining the streets. She doesn’t know what she’s waiting for, answers or maybe just an idea of who these people are. A car drives up and lets out multiple people. Rey recognizes them from her internet searches as Han, Leia, Padme, and Ben. It’s the whole family. Ben is on his phone, arguing with someone. He looks incredibly upset and the rest of the family look dejected. Padme glances over at Rey, making eye contact. She smiles slightly and mouths “I won’t” while shaking her head. Rey smiles back but Padme’s face falls as Rey starts to turn. Rey feels a hand on her shoulder. She drops down and tries to run but whoever it was that had their hand on her tackles her. She thrashes around, trying to get away but the person holding her down is so much bigger than her. 

“Stop, get off of me!” Rey yells. 

Several people surround them, all talking frantically. Rey tries even harder to get away. Her bandage comes off and she feels the warmth of blood saturating her new sweater. There’s a sharp poke in her arm and turns her head to see a man in a suit holding a syringe. Ben comes into view.

“You didn’t have to do that. She’s an Omega, we could’ve used an Alpha command.” 

“It’s protocol.” he says, sighing and turning to Rey, “Calm down Omega, you’re hurting yourself.”

The stranger's voice rings through her, making every muscle beg her to obey. she calms down instantly. Rey’s hearing goes out first and she stops being able to make out the conversation around her. Whoever was holding her down isn’t anymore but she still can’t move. She was so stupid for coming here. Why did she have to see them? She could have stayed on the train till the end but instead she’s here, getting herself caught. This is where she dies, she knows it. Rey’s body relaxes next. Her extremities feel warm and her mind starts slowing. The last thing she remembers is an intoxicating smell and strong arms carrying her before the world goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, here we go. 
> 
> I hope y'all liked this chapter.


	6. Saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - unconscious medical procedure.

Rey wakes up in a soft bed, surrounded by pillows. The room is illuminated only by street lights shining through a window. She feels dizzy, tired, and confused. Memories start returning and she sits up, looking around the room. To her left is a large window, facing a familiar street. She’s in the Solo’s brownstone. Why is she here? Why isn’t she dead or at some government building? She notices an IV in her arm and follows the tubing to a bag that reads ‘saline’. She moves her eyes down her arm and sees a silver bracelet on her wrist. She brings her other hand to the bracelet, feeling it and trying to push it off but it won’t fit over her hand. She brings her wrist up to her eyes and examines the bracelet. It’s a simple metal bangle with no visible markings or obvious ways to open. She wonders how they got it on her wrist in the first place. 

The bandage on her arm from when she cut it on the fence has been replaced and she pulls it back looking at the cut, which has been stitched up. On her other arm is another bandaid. She pokes at the bandaid and feels a stinging sensation. It’s too painful to be from a needle prick. She pushes the blankets off and notices that she’s in new clothes. A simple tee shirt and a pair of soft pajama pants. She hears a noise come from her right and notices Ben solo, asleep on the floor with a pillow and blanket. He smells good, even better than the last time she saw him at Poe and Finns. She briefly considers sliding off of the bed and into his arms before shaking her head and chastising herself for thinking something so outrageous.

Rey rips out her IV, clenching her teeth at the sting. She gets out of bed and tip toes to the window, looking down to the street. She’s three stories up and isn’t confident about her ability to climb down safely. She looks at Ben and imagines him there on the island, dressed in black. She thinks about her grandfather falling to the ground. Memories flood over her of running away in fear. This might be her only chance to get out. She takes a deep breath and opens the window slowly, watching Ben the whole time. He stirs a bit but doesn’t wake. She climbs out of the window, finding a foothold and carefully lowers herself down. She jumps the last few feet to the ground, landing quietly. When she turns around she’s immediately met by a man who grabs hold of her, lifting her into his harms. She thrashes around, trying to punch and kick him. 

“Be still Omega.” He says in a deep commanding voice and her body stills against her will. His scent overwhelms her, making her dizzy. He carries her back to the Solo’s home and pulls a key out, fitting it into the front door. 

“It’s going to be ok.” He soothes. 

He lets Rey go and points to the staircase. 

“Sit right there and don’t move.” His voice commands her and she obeys right away despite her logical brain screaming at her to run. 

Her limbs feel as though they’re on fire as she tries to fight the command. She eventually gives up, crossing her arms in front of her and staring at the stranger. He stands with an air of entitlement, tall and imposing. The man pulls out a phone and hits a button, bringing the device to his ear.

“Hey, yeah I have your Omega down here.”

Rey hears loud footsteps running down the stairs. It sounds like he’s throwing himself down rather than taking steps one at a time. Ben appears in front of them moments later, eyes blazing. His smell is like burnt wood. Rey isn’t sure if she wants to run away from him or towards him. Something inside her wants to do anything she can to soothe him. She bites her tongue, suppressing a whimper and stares straight ahead.

“She sure is a slippery one. I watched her climb down three stories like it was nothing.”

“Thanks Hux.” 

“Any time.” Hux says, moving back to the front door.

“Come on, let's get you back upstairs,” Ben says quietly.

“I can’t move. He told me to stay” Rey answers, embarrassed. Ben grabs her hand, pulling her up and Rey feels her muscles relax. 

Ben puts his hand behind Rey’s back, leading her up the stairs and to the room she woke up in. Rey tries to move away from him as soon as they’re in the room but he grabs her arm, looking at the place where her IV was. His eyes darken looking at the already forming bruise. He then checks the bandage on her arm and tries to move his hands down her body, checking for any other injuries. Rey shivers at the feeling of his hands on her in such an intimate way. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

“I’m just making sure you’re not hurt.” He says in a calm and controlled voice, hands roaming down to her waist.

Rey steps back and he lets her go easily. She keeps taking steps backwards until her back hits the wall beside the bed. She slides to the ground and hugs her knees, making herself as small as possible. Ben walks toward her and crouches down. 

“What do you want with me? Are you going to kill me now?” Rey asks.

Ben raises an eyebrow.

“I’m not going to kill you Rey, you’re safe.”

Ben holds his hands up in surrender, slowly moving towards her. 

“Stop, get away from me.” 

He grabs her arm and swipes his thumb over her wrist, hitting a spot that she didn’t know existed. She immediately reacts. Her heart rate slows and her eyes droop. She pulls her arm out of his grasp and holds both wrists against her chest.

“I watched you kill my grandfather.” 

Ben sits back on his heels and runs his hand through his hair. 

“I wasn’t the one who shot him.” 

“Oh, in that case I guess I’m ok with being kidnapped then,” Rey spits out.

“He was a bad man, Rey. The plan was to bring him in but he pulled out the gun. There wasn’t a choice.” 

“You’re lying, I know you are. He was a good man. He pulled out a gun because he was being attacked. It was self defense.”

“Rey.” 

“Get away from me.”

Rey feels her chest tighten. Her breaths start coming faster and faster and she gets dizzy. Ben backs up a bit. 

“It would help you calm down if I held you. Please, you could cause a seizure.” 

“I don’t want to calm down and I don’t want your help. You killed my grandfather and, oh God Finn and Poe. Did you kill them too?” Rey says between shallow breaths

She tries to stand and stumbles, the lack of oxygen making her dizzy. Ben lunges forward, catching her just before her head hits the ground and pulling her into his lap.

“No.” Rey tries to fight but Ben holds her tight, shushing her. A rumbling sound comes from deep in his chest and she involuntarily relaxes into him. Something about the sound makes her feel safe. 

“You’re ok, it’s ok. You’re safe. Finn and Poe are alive and well, nobody hurt them. Just relax.”

Her mind feels fuzzy. Why was she upset again? She’s so warm and content. Ben’s smell starts shifting into something wonderful and she moves her face into his chest without thinking, breathing him in. she barely registers him standing up with her and moving to the bed, manipulating her limbs so she’s cradled in his lap. She doesn't know how long this goes on but it has to be hours because when she comes out of the daze it’s light in the room. She looks at Ben, confused and suddenly realizes her current state. She tries to move out of Ben’s lap but he holds onto her tightly. His hand moves to that spot on her wrist again, holding it firmly until she relaxes once more, although she’s a little more cognizant now. Leia is standing in the doorway with a tray of food, looking at her and Ben. A conversation has been happening but Rey only catches the last of it.

“She's fine, just scared.”

Leia sets a tray of food down on the dresser and looks at the window.

“I’ll get someone to come fix it.” 

Leia disappears behind the door, closing it firmly.

“I don’t want you to make yourself faint again, are you ok?”

Rey nods and he lets her out of his lap. She shifts away from him in the bed and stares at him, eyes wide. Ben sits on the edge on the bed, looking at her. 

“Today is going to be hard, there will be some people coming in to talk to you. A doctor and someone from the government. I’ll be here with you the whole time though.” 

Rey doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring at him. She’s upset and confused. Ben stands up and walks across the room, grabbing the tray of food Leia left. He brings it back to Rey, lifting a bite of eggs up to her mouth. 

“You have to eat.” 

She’s hungry. It’s been over twenty-four hours since she last ate. No way is she letting a stranger hand feed her though. Rey reaches out and grabs the fork from Ben, pulling the tray toward herself. Ben lets them go easily. He walks to the other side of the room and pulls a chair up a few feet from the bed, watching her eat. 

“You must have questions. Ask anything.”

Rey has so many questions. She’s not sure where to start.

“Why am I in your house?” 

“You’re my Omega.”

Rey shakes her head.

“Your Omega went missing a few years ago. I’ve been missing since I was a kid.” 

“Do you know why your grandfather hid you away?” 

Rey shrugs, picking up more eggs and shoving them in her mouth. 

“He just wanted me to be safe and happy.”

“He was a criminal Rey. When your parents were murdered he hid you away to keep you safe. Nobody knew where you were, not even the government.” 

“My parents died in a car accident.” Rey says quietly. 

“It was a car bomb. They were murdered as revenge against your grandfather.” 

Rey puts her fork down and pushes away her half eaten plate. Ben tries to reach out for her but she shifts away and he puts his hand down.

“Continue.” 

“The plan was for you to come out of hiding after your eighteenth birthday. He was in contact with my parents until two years ago. He was supposed to bring you to us so that we could mate. Instead, he blackmailed us. He would send pictures of you, threatening violence if we didn’t give him money. He showed pictures of you covered in bruises and with a cast on your arm,” Ben’s breath starts coming slightly hitched. 

“no,” Rey covers her face in her hands. She remembers a time she fell while climbing on the island. She had ended up covered in bruises and a broken arm. 

“Look at me.” Ben pulls down Rey's arms and wipes away a stray tear.

“We were there to save you. All this time that’s all I’ve been trying to do.”

“What did you do to me while I was asleep?”

Ben sighs and drops her hands.

“The doctor gave you a check up. You had a nasty cut on your arm that she stitched up and she gave you a birth control implant in your arm.” 

“Who changed my clothes?” 

“I didn’t look,” He says. 

“But you were there, you let someone else do it.”

For some reason she’s not even upset about the violation. It just feels like another check mark on her growing list of bad. 

“What is this for?” Rey holds up her wrist, showing the bangle.

“All Omegas have them. There’s a chip inside that helps us find you if you get lost.”

“Why don’t you have one?” 

“Would it make you feel better if I wore a tracker too? Some Alphas wear one to help with their Omega’s anxiety.”

There’s a knock on the door and Ben calls for them to come in.

“I’m just here for the window.” 

He walks to the window and starts nailing it down, so it can’t open. He goes to each window in the room and bathroom then Rey watches him go to the door and install a lock on the outside. She looks at Ben, fire in her eyes. 

“You’re saving me or locking me in a cage?”

He looks at her apologetically. 

“It’s just for now. None of us thought you'd try to leave once you got here. I can’t risk you leaving now, I’m so sorry Rey, I don’t want this but I have to or... ” 

“...You didn’t think I’d try to leave the people who killed my grandfather and kidnapped me?” Rey interrupts. 

“This is your home, you’re not being kidnapped and I didn’t know you were watching when your grandfather was shot until it was too late.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“Rey, please.” 

“No! Nothing you say could make me believe you. He was a good man. He loved me. He was kind to me. Not knowing I was there doesn’t make my grandfathers murder ok.” 

“I’m glad that he was nice and didn’t hurt you, but it doesn’t change the fact that he used you. That’s not love” 

Ben reaches forward to take her hand and she moves back. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

“I know this is hard but...” 

“Get out of here!” 

Ben hesitates, obviously not sure what to do. The moment is interrupted by a quiet knock. Rey watches the door open and Padme walk through and over to Rey. 

“Ben honey, why don’t you give us a few minutes.” 

“But.” 

Padme gives Ben a look and he huffs before walking out. Rey watches a shadow under the door move back and forth. She realizes that Ben is pacing on the other side. She feels a strange mix of wanting to call him back in to hold her and wanting to run away and never think about him again. All she has to do is call out his name and he’ll be there. Her heart finds that comforting and her mind finds it horrifying.

Padme doesn’t say anything. She sits in the chair next to the bed, pulls out knitting needles and yarn and sits comfortably, working on a project. Rey thinks she understands now what Bee meant about Omegas, she does at least if all are like Padme. She’s so beautiful and warm. Rey would jump in front of a bullet for this stranger and she doesn’t quite understand why.

Rey no longer feels as though she needs to run at any second and she slowly feels her body relax in response. She hadn’t realized how tight all of her muscles were. Rey gets up and stretches, walking to the bathroom to shower. When she comes out Padme is still sitting in the same spot knitting and humming quietly.

“Thank you.” Rey says, walking beside Padme’s chair and placing her hand on her shoulder.

Padme takes Rey’s hand, holding it gently, still saying nothing. Rey signs and sits across from Padme on the bed, pulling her knees under her and fiddling with her fingers. Padme places her knitting away and looks at Rey expectantly.

“They killed him. He never hurt me, he wouldn’t have. My parents… He loved them too. Everyone leaves me,” Rey cries. 

Padme stands and pulls Rey into a hug, rubbing her back. Rey doesn’t know why she feels comfortable opening up to this woman. Maybe it’s because she’s an Omega or maybe it’s something else. There’s something familiar about Padme; something loving and kind. 

“I’m so confused and tired and I don’t know what to do or think.” 

“It’s ok to not be ok,” Padme says.

“I’m not ok.” 

The door opens and Ben stands in the doorway. 

“I’m sorry, the doctor is here but I’ll tell her to come back.” 

“No, it’s fine.” Rey pulls away from Padme wiping away a stray tear.

“I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all like this chapter. What are your feelings about Ben?


	7. Trust

Ben closes the door gently as Padmé turns to Rey. 

“Do you want me to stay or leave?” she asks.

Rey doesn’t really want anyone around at all. She doesn’t want a doctor looking at her. She doesn’t want Padme here or Ben either. She wants to curl up into a ball and try not to think about anything at all. Maybe if she gets some time alone she can forget for a moment the insanity that her life has become. 

“You can go, thank you.”

Padme leaves and Rey is left unsupervised for the first time since she was captured. She stands and checks the window. The handyman did a good job, there’s no way she’ll be leaving out there. She’s not even sure at this point if she wants to escape but the thought of not being allowed to leave the room makes her anxious. When she was stuck on the island she had the whole place to run and explore. She would come and go as she pleased. She looks at her omega bracelet, fidgeting with it. She’s stuck in a small room here without even the illusion of freedom.

She isn’t left alone for long before Ben returns, a tall thin woman following behind him. She walks to Rey, reaching out and grabbing her hand and shaking it gently. She’s a confident woman, standing tall with poise and dignity. Rey would be able to tell the woman is an Alpha even if she couldn’t smell the distinctive Alpha scent wafting off of her.

“Hi dear, I’m Dr. Holdo.” 

The doctor checks Rey’s vitals, writing everything down and takes a look at where the IV was ripped out, giving an almost imperceptible shake of the head, her scent souring slightly. Rey instinctively pulls her arm back, not liking the feeling of displeasing an Alpha. The way Rey reacts to the stranger makes her uncomfortable. It feels like she’s not completely in control of herself, reacting and relying on people she doesn’t even know. The reaction is so natural inside of her. That realization makes Rey emotional and her scent spike. Ben tries to pick her hand up, sensing her distress and she glares at him. He backs away, giving her space. He’s obviously offended by her pushing him away and a voice in her tells her to reach out for him, that he’s safe. She tells herself she doesn’t care, She can’t care. She doesn’t know Ben and doesn’t want to. The doctor pauses for a second, observing the silent conversation between Alpha and Omega before turning towards Ben.

“She should be ok without the IV now as long as she’s eating and drinking.”

She pulls out a piece of paper from her bag, reading it.

“Her bloodwork came back. She has some vitamin deficiencies. I’ve called a multivitamin into the pharmacy.”

She hands a paper to Ben and pulls the bandage on Rey’s arm back, looking at the stitches before applying a cream and replacing the bandage with a new one. 

“She’s also a little underweight so I’ve included instructions for a diet but overall she’s healthy and is officially cleared to mate.” 

Ben doesn’t even look at the peper, handing it over to Rey. Dr. Holdo packs up her equipment and turns to Rey, giving a tight smile. 

“It was good meeting you.” she nods before rushing out of the room, pulling her phone out and putting it up to her ear.

Rey finally looks at the paper when the door is closed. Ben sits where Padmé was previously and watches as Rey reads the instructions. She’s not really processing anything and mostly reading the paper as something to do. She finally sets the paper down and stares ahead. 

“That wasn’t so bad,” Ben says in a light tone.

Rey gives him an exasperated look before staring ahead again. Ben stands and walks to a bookshelf picking out a book for Rey and handing it to her before sitting back down. He watches her read for over an hour, saying nothing. 

Another knock comes and Leia and Han walk in, followed by an Alpha Rey doesn’t recognise. He has an odd body composition, incredibly tall and top heavy with piercing eyes. He walks into the room like he owns it, sucking up all the air. He wears a well tailored suit and holds a fancy briefcase that looks well taken care of. Ben stands and offers him his seat and he takes it, pulling some papers out of his briefcase. Ben goes to stand next to Rey and Han and Leia take places at the end of the bed, watching the Alpha intently.

“Rey palpatine, I have a few questions for you. My name is agent Knight and I’m with assignment services. I’m here to ask you a few questions and get some paperwork filled out.” 

Rey looks around at all the people in the room feeling overwhelmed. 

“I need to know everything you remember about your grandfather's business.”

“I don’t know anything. He said he lived off of retirement money once I think. I never asked or cared.” 

“You’re sure that’s it?” 

Rey nods, shifting her eyes back and forth. Agent knights eyes bore into her, making her want to either run or hide.

“Tell the truth Rey. Are you hiding anything?” his voice deepens into a command.

A shiver runs down Rey’s spine and more words pour out of her mouth.

“Sometimes he had people at the island. He never told me their names and I never knew why they were there.”

Ben crouches beside his shaking Omega, grabbing her hand.

“How dare you command her, she’s obviously a victim in this,” He growls.

“And now there’s no question about that.” Agent Knight replies, not even looking at Ben. He jots a few things down on a paper before grabbing Rey’s wrist and holding a scanner up to her bracelet. It beeps and he moves back to his stack of papers, writing something down and checking a box.

“Doctor Holdo cleared her for the bite. Is that correct?” He continues.

“Yes.” 

“That should be done tonight.” Agent Knight makes eye contact with Ben first then moves his eyes to Han, raising his eyebrows in a challenge.

“No. She’s confused and traumatized. I’m not doing that to her. There’s no way she’d agree to it.” Ben says.

“It’s the law, you can do it willingly or we can drag you to a holding cell and give you a shot to help things along.” 

Agent knight gives a grin that makes Rey shiver. He enjoys this, flexing power.

Ben starts to visibly shake with anger and Rey starts shaking in response. The whole experience is surreal for Rey and she’s stuck, unsure of if she wants to yell at someone or completely zone out of what’s happening.

“Ben you need to calm down, I’ll make some calls.” Leia says, pointing to Rey before stepping out of the room. 

“We let you talk to her now get the fuck out.” Han says to agent Knight. 

“With pleasure.” The man stuffs the papers in his briefcase and stands. 

“I’ll be by tomorrow to make sure the bite is done and her heat is starting. Once her heat is finished I’ll bring some pictures for the Omega to look at.” 

He shuts the door and Ben sits in the chair, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. 

“What did he mean by the bite?” Rey asks quietly. 

“Oh no.” Han says, giving Ben a wide eyed look.

“There's a spot.” Ben reaches over and brushes his fingers over Rey’s mating gland. 

“Right here.” he says and Rey shudders. Desire wells inside of her at his touch and she pushes his hand away, scooting over in the bed. 

“It’s called a mating gland and If I bite it hard enough it will create a permanent bond between us. It will also trigger your heat.” 

Rey processes the information. Leia comes in and smiles softly. 

“You have a week.” 

“That’s still not long enough,” Ben says.

“It’s the best I could do.” 

“What does the bond feel like?” Rey asks.

Ben looks at his parents, unsure of how to respond. Leia walks over to rey. 

“It’s like having a string tied around you that’s connected to Ben, always pulling you to him. You’ll feel instincts to protect Ben and feel safe and calm when he’s around. You and his scent changes to reflect the bond and other people will smell different too. It’s wonderful Rey, you’ll like it.” 

Everything is too new and confusing.

“What if I refuse.” 

“If we don’t do it here they’ll take us to a government building. They’ll give us shots that force you into heat and me into rut then lock us in a room.” 

Rey purses her lips. She was afraid of these people at first. She thought they were going to kill her. Now she knows they won’t, at least not physically. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to tether herself to a stranger forever. She doesn’t trust them.

“I’m not staying and letting that happen. I’ll run again and hide like on the island.”

Rey realizes as soon as she says it how stupid it is to reveal that she’s considering running again. Ben and Han both let out a low growl. Rey and Leia react to the Alphas and Rey watches Leia reach for Han, moving her hand to his wrist and brushing her thumb back and forth. Rey focuses on ignoring Ben's growl. It’s painful to be around him while he’s angry and her nature tells her to follow Leia’s lead.

“Stop,” Leia says in a low voice and Han immediately quiets.

Ben closes his eyes for a second before talking. 

“We’re not going to hide you, it’s illegal.”

“Don’t hide me, Just let me go.” 

“Rey, you don’t understand how dangerous that is for you. If you manage not to get caught again, which is highly unlikely, you’ll end up bonded to a random Alpha and who knows how they would treat you. ” 

“So my options are to be bonded to you or risk getting bonded to someone even worse. I think I’ll take my chances. At least the mystery Alpha wouldn’t have murdered my grandfather.” 

A wave of emotion washes over the room making Rey gasp for air. Ben stands and leaves, slamming the door. Rey meant her words to hurt but didn’t realize how much watching Ben leave her would affect her. It feels like she’s being rejected even though she’s the one rejecting him. Leia follows Ben out and Han sits beside Rey.

“Here’s the hard truth kid.” 

He looks her in the eyes. 

“You’re an Omega and you need to accept that, it’s not something that will ever change. The situation with your grandfather puts you in a unique and dangerous position. This world is not kind to people who rebel, we’re trying to protect you, give you options for your life.” 

Rey looks down, fiddling with her hands.

“We all love you.” He continues. 

“You don’t know me.” 

“I do know you Rey, we all know you. We’ve spent years searching for you. We’ve known you since you were a child. You don’t remember me but I remember you. You’re just like your dad you know. You look and act just like him.” 

“You knew my parents?” 

“I loved them Rey, Leia too. This isn’t random, we’ve spent time and resources finding you because we care. You don’t understand how much time Ben has spent looking for you, waiting for you, excited to meet you and be with you. This is hard for us too, to see you hurt and to have you reject us.” 

Rey feels emotions build inside of her. 

“I can’t.” she chokes on her words. 

“I know, but you will.” 

Ben comes back with Leia. and they all start talking, planning the week. Rey is exhausted. She needs to think about everything that’s happened. She needs to decide what she wants to do, if she wants to give into these people or keep fighting. Does she want to leave? They seem genuine. They knew her parents. She thinks about her grandfather. She knew him and loved him. He would never hurt her. He must have had a reason for what he did. He kept her from them and she feels like letting them love her betrays his memory.

“Can you all go now?” 

They stop talking and look at her.

“Of course, this is probably very overwhelming for you.” Leia says.

Han and Leia leave but Ben stays, watching her intently. Rey meant for Ben to leave too but she realizes that he won’t. Something inside her understands it, feels the pull toward him, the safety and comfort of the Alpha. One side of her wants to scream at him to leave her alone. How could she ever feel comfortable around someone who killed her grandfather. She doesn’t trust him, how could she. Another part of her, one she doesn’t want to admit, wants to let him in.

“I’m not going to apologize.” She says. She can tell Ben is still hurt.

“I’m not asking you to.”

“I don’t trust you.” 

“You will one day, I’ll show you that you can.” 

“I want you to leave.” 

“I know,” He says, lowering his head and letting out a quiet sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, it's been a minute since I last updated. Hopefully the next update won't be as long of a wait. 
> 
> I'm glad for the feedback I got after the last chapter, thank you for everyone who commented. My personal opinion on Ben at this point in the story is pretty neutral. We don't know all that much about him. He does things that are thoughtful but there's also definitely some concerning stuff that would make me distrustful if I was Rey. I was trying to be purposeful with that, giving legitimate doubt about Ben's character while also showing him doing thoughtful things. 
> 
> Oh, and I upped the chapter count. It may change again but probably not.


	8. Earthquake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW! - suicidal ideation. I feel like the emotional pain in this chapter is enough to put this trigger up. She contemplates if her life is worth living but never makes any plans or implies that that's something she's thinking about. 
> 
> ALSO! I think this chapter could potentially be a heavy one to read. It's almost entirely tackling Rey's feelings about what's going on.

Rey listens to Ben’s soft snoring from the floor beside her bed. It’s three in the morning and she’s still awake staring at the ceiling. She feels stuck. There are no good options for her. Run away and potentially end up in a bad situation or stay and bond with someone who’s responsible for her grandfather's death. She remembers the first day she saw Ben Solo, dressed in black and standing on her island. She was terrified of him. She looks at the sleeping man on the floor. He has all the same features but somehow looks so different now that she’s not afraid of him. He looks less hard and scary, less mysterious. She thought he was going to kill her but that wasn’t real. She was running away from something imagined and now that she’s discovered the truth her heart and mind are conflicted. 

She’s so tired. Tired from running, from losing people she loves, from surviving instead of living. What’s the point of running when she doesn’t have a life to run to? She has nobody who she loves or trusts. She may be miserable here but she’s not convinced she’ll be happy somewhere else. 

She won’t run, she decides. She just doesn’t care anymore, doesn’t have the fire in her to fight. She’ll never give in though. She won't let him bite her willingly. He’ll have to look in her eyes as she tells him no. Her decision finally gives her the ability to fall asleep. Her eyes close and she drifts off into a dreamless sleep. 

“Rey.” 

Rey opens her eyes and sits up quickly. Ben is standing beside her bed fully dressed. It’s bright in the room and Rey looks at the clock, which reads twelve pm. She doesn’t feel rested at all despite sleeping for almost nine hours. Her body and mind feel sore and fatigued.

“We’re having lunch. I thought maybe you’d like to get out of this room?” 

Rey stands up. 

“I would like that.” She mumbles. 

Ben smiles and puts his hand behind her back leading her. She steps away from his hand and he pulls it to his sides, taking a step away from her.

“I just um, can I change first?” 

“Of course.” Ben steps out of the room and closes the door.

She opens the dresser and picks out something simple and loose fitting. Ben is pacing in the hallway when Rey comes out and she purposefully keeps her distance from him as they walk. They make their way down two flights of stairs and arrive in a kitchen where Han, Leia, and Padmé sit at a large table eating sandwiches. Ben pulls a seat out for Rey across from his parents and places a plate of food in front of her. Rey didn’t realize how hungry she was until now. She picks up her plate and hears Ben beside her suck in a breath. Rey looks at Ben and puts her sandwich down. 

“Ben, staring at her isn’t helping.” Padme says gently and Ben looks away.

Rey is mesmerized watching the way Han and Leia interact. They bicker and tease each other endlessly while somehow still showing affection and respect. It’s a push and pull that is both stressful and endearing to watch. Leia grabs a pickle off of Hans plate, winking at him and he pokes her side. 

“What have I told you about stealing my food?” 

“It’s a pickle Han, just get another one.” 

“I’d rather watch you get me one princess.”

“What? Are you too tired to get up yourself? Hm.” 

“Watch your mouth.” Han winks.

Leia whispers something into Hans' ear and he turns bright red. He stands and kisses her on the cheek before getting two more pickles, placing them on each of their plates. 

“Stop.” Ben says, covering his face with his hands. Padme lets out a loud laugh and Rey smiles.

It’s small and fleeting, the reality of her situation hitting her again. Watching this family intact is captivating. She’s reminded how she’s lost all the family she’s ever had. She wishes she could be part of this family, teasing and laughing with Ben. She wants to look at someone the way Leia looks at Han. She wants to feel close to someone again, to feel safe and secure. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to truly trust or love the Solo’s. How could she after everything? Soon she’ll be stuck here forever, bonded to Ben, but that doesn’t mean she’ll ever feel part of a family again. Padmé reaches and grabs Rey's hand and Rey squeezes it back before letting go. She’ll adapt, she always does.

\---

Rey feels tension start to grow as the days pass. Her and Ben barely speak the whole first day but Ben doesn’t leave her side. He doesn’t press her to talk but won’t leave either. After a few days of resting and eating Ben gives Rey a tour of the house. He guides her all around, talking about growing up. He shows her old hiding places and a spot next to a door frame where he carved his name. It’s a confusing home with multiple stories with all sorts of different rooms that feel obsolete. Ben shows her a library and Rey immediately starts perusing the books. She passes her hand over the spines gently picking one up and taking it to a comfortable chair. 

“Do you like to read?” She asks Ben. 

“I like it but I never have time. When I was a kid I used to sneak to the library and sit with a flashlight in the chair you’re in right now, reading all night sometimes. My parents would find me asleep in here a lot.” Ben takes a seat at a chair opposite from Rey.

“I did the same thing.” Rey smiles thinking about tip toeing through the hallways in the middle of the night, swiping cookies on the way to the library. 

“This is a better selection than what I had though.” She hugs the book close to her chest. 

“You can come here whenever you want and borrow any book,” Ben says.

Rey looks down, frowning. She loves the library, It’s beautiful. She imagines spending her time here, reading with a cup of coffee. There’s a window that faces the street and Rey looks out at pedestrians. His words were supposed to make her feel like she has control but they don’t feel like freedom, they feel like permission and it reminds her that she’s here against her will. She changes the subject.

“What do you do?” 

Ben takes a deep breath, his eyes darting away, thinking before answering. 

“My dad runs air travel and I help. I’ll take over when He retires” he says decidedly. 

“It feels like your job is just staring at me.” 

Ben exhales in laughter. 

“I’m on leave. I also have a little more free time now that you’re safe.” 

“I’ve always been safe.” Rey says flatly.

“Rey, you have stitches in your arm. The doctor said it would have gotten infected if you hadn’t gotten treatment which I know you wouldn’t have. You’re underweight and deficient in all sorts of different vitamins.” 

“All of that stuff happened because I was running away from you. I was healthy and happy before you showed up and killed my grandfather.” Rey starts to get upset. She stands and walks to the bookcase putting her book away. Ben walks to her and puts his hand on her shoulder. 

“I thought he was hurting you. I really thought I was saving you from him.” 

“He wasn’t,” Rey shrugs away.

“I… Wait here a minute ok? I have proof.” 

Ben walks to a door that Rey hadn’t noticed. It looks like part of the wall if you’re not paying close attention. He pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks it, going in for a few minutes before coming out with a file. He hands Rey the file and she opens it finding photos of her on the island. Some show bruises. Some have her face crossed out and threats scrawled across them. There’s one of her asleep in her bed with a knife held up to her cheek. She unfocoses her eyes, staring beyond the photos. He told her these existed but she didn’t really believe it until now. It didn’t click in her head that her grandfather would actually do this.

“Rey.” 

She throws the file suddenly, photos flying everywhere. 

“Rey!” 

Rey pushes past Ben and to the door. He follows behind her as she walks purposefully back to her room. She goes to the bathroom and locks the door, sliding down to the floor and putting her head in her knees.

“Rey please.” Ben jiggles the handle.

Seeing the pictures made it feel real. Her grandfather really did use her to blackmail the Solo’s. She cries imagining her grandfather sending these photos of her. He took pictures of her asleep. He actually came into her room and held a knife up to her face. He didn’t tell her anything. She was kept so isolated she didn’t even know what an Omega was. Why did he do this to her? She feels so angry and hurt.

“Rey.” Ben’s voice cracks. She can feel his pain through the door.

She stands and opens the door to find Ben just outside, arms on either side of the door frame. His whole body is tense but relaxes a bit when he sees her. 

“Why did he do it?” Rey whispers.

“We don’t know.” 

She cries and leans her head against Bens chest and he puts his arms around her, enveloping her in warmth. It breaks her heart how she’s giving into him, how she’s letting him comfort her right now. But She’s sad and tired and he’s warm and smells good. She needs a hug. She wants her mom to sing her a song like when she was a kid. She wants her dad to tell her a joke. She wants her grandfather back and doesn’t want to feel this heartache.

“I’m sorry Rey.” 

Rey just cries.

\---

Rey tries not to think about what has to happen tonight. The thought of being bit scares her but what scares her more is that she’s almost excited for it. Something inside of her wants to be a part of this. She wants a family again. She’s watched the Solo’s all week and they’re so happy. She wants that. 

She sits at a patio table with Padmé and watches Ben and Han throw a ball back and forth. Leia brings drinks outside for everyone and they all enjoy the evening. The sun starts setting and the sky turns a deep red. Rey used to watch the sunsets on the island with her grandfather. This sunset looks so different than the ones she watched with him. She wants to lean her head on her grandfather's shoulder and talk to him like she used to. She wants to tell him all her thoughts and feelings and have him hum along as she talks. He used to look at her with joy when she would tell him about her day. Every time she feels happy something reminds her of him and she feels a wave shake her like an earthquake, sadness vibrating through her body. And every time that wave ends another one hits like an aftershock sending anger to her core. Her whole world has been devastated. She’s no longer sure what’s real or an illusion. Do these people actually love her like they claim or will they hurt her like every other person she’s loved has done. Will they hold knives up to her face as she sleeps? Will they betray her as soon as she starts trusting them?

“He’ll be here soon Rey. The longer we put it off the worse it will be. We can go right now and I can bite you somewhere private instead of out here with my family or in a cell.” Ben puts his hand under her chin pulling it up gently so she looks him in the eye.

“No.” 

“Rey.” 

“No.” It takes everything in her to push him away but she does. She slaps his hand away and looks at him with defiance. She won’t do it without a fight. She won’t give in. If he wants to bite her he’ll have to do it without her consent. 

Ben sighs and backs away, continuing his game of catch with Han. Rey’s heart beats rapidly with anxiety and she tries her best not to fall apart where she sits. The week went by so fast. She needs more time. Rey feels a hand on her shoulder. 

“You’re so strong Rey, you have no idea,” Padmé says.

Rey feels his presence before she sees him. Agent Knight is here. The entire group tenses as he appears in the doorway. 

Ben puts his body between Rey and Agent knight and she moves away. 

“I’m not ready.” 

“My job isn’t to care about your emotions, it's to make sure you’re mated,” Agent Knight says in a patronizing tone.

“No.” 

Agent knight raises his eyebrow and takes a taser out of a holder on his belt. 

“Wait!” Ben says, turning to Rey. 

“They’re going to take us now if I don’t bite you.”

“I don’t want to.” 

Ben approaches Rey slowly. 

“I can’t let it happen in a cell Rey.” 

“I can Ben. Don’t you dare touch me.” 

Rey takes another step back and Ben grabs her arm pulling her towards him. He pushes her collar down and glances at Agent Knight.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers in her ear before leaning over and touching his lips to her gland. He kisses it gently and Rey bows her head. It feels like there’s a string in her chest pulling all of her extremities inward. Her knees go weak and she pulls her arms into her chest. 

“No.” tears start falling in earnest, covering her arms in salty water. Everyone around her moves in slow motion, looking at her and Ben. The only sound is the whistling of wind through the trees. The last of the light starts to fade and she feels teeth on her gland. 

“No.” 

Ben bites down hard and the world goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this week has been very stressful for me as an American (and one who lives in an important state for the elections.) If you choose to comment something nice that would make me very happy. I do moderate comments but only to dissuade abuse. I haven't had to block anything yet. This is a pretty heavy fic so a lot of the comments are along the lines of "I hate that this character did this thing". That's totally fine and I don't get offended at those comments at all. they are actually super helpful. Sometimes I want people to hate certain characters and it's nice to see people reacting the way I intended. Anyway, nice comments though are like super encouraging. Remember I'm just a normal (I mean I hope my writing skills are normal anyway.) fanfic writer who is doing this as a hobby and posting it for free. 
> 
> Oh, Also I try to give updates and stuff on Tumblr when someone asks or I remember, Mosswillow. I write Dark! marvel stuff over there.


	9. Heat

There was a lagoon on the island that Rey would dive in growing up. She used to dive as deep as she could and feel the conflicting sensations of being weightless while also having pressure all around her. That’s where she feels like she is now, diving as far as she can, the world cut off, Her mind fuzzy and her body weightless. She can hear yelling and sense movement but doesn’t understand what’s going on. There’s an ache on her shoulder where her mating gland is and a dull cramp in her stomach. Her mind starts returning to her and her first thought is Ben. She needs him, where is he? She darts her eyes around looking for him and sees Han standing between Ben and agent Knight.

“I have to make sure,” Agent Knight says.

“You won’t get near her, you won’t fucking touch her,” Ben yells. 

Rey realizes that she’s laying on the ground with her head in Leia's lap. She looks up and Leia smiles and runs her fingers through Rey’s hair. 

“It’s going to be ok,” Leia whispers.

“She’s mine,” Ben roars.

“Ben, he’ll leave once he looks at her mark. He needs to make sure it took.” Han says, trying to calm down his son.

“It took.” Ben says through gritted teeth

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Agent Knight grumbles. 

Rey feels an intense urge to get somewhere safe. She sits up and looks around for somewhere to run.

“Ben, please she needs you,” Leia says.

Ben runs over, pulling Rey into his lap. Rey relaxes a bit in his arms, her cramping settling down. He’s safe, he’ll keep her safe.

Agent knight pulls out a walky talky and says something into it that Rey doesn’t hear. A few minutes later a Beta man shows up. 

Ben lets out a low growl but lets the man look at the mark on Rey’s mating gland. He gives a nod to Agent knight before backing away slowly.

“Get out.” Han says, putting his body between his family and the agents.

A cramp rips through Rey and she grits her teeth and grabs her stomach. Ben stands up with her and full out runs to her room, placing her on the bed. She curls up as the heat starts taking over. 

“I can help.” He says

“No, get away from me.” 

“Heats can be dangerous after you mate.” 

“Don’t touch me.” 

Ben takes a few shaky breaths before standing.

“I’ll be right outside,” he breathes.

She doesn’t want his help but with every second that passes the pain gets worse and worse. 

She screams as her insides feel like they’re tearing out of her. If someone was to stab her in the stomach she wouldn’t even notice. She lasts several hours at least and can hear Ben at first pacing and then vomiting and groaning in pain. Another wave of cramps rip through her and she grips her blanket and screams Ben's name. He opens his door and leans against the doorframe. Sweat pours down his face and he dry heaves into a trash can. 

“I… I want help.” She finally says, reaching out for him.

Ben doesn't hesitate. He’s on top of her in seconds, hands roaming everywhere. Rey feels the heat recede with every touch. She just wants him. She needs him. She tears at his pants until they’re off and pulls at him selfishly. She needs more. 

“I need you to.” 

“I know, I’m here.” 

It doesn’t take long for Ben to knot Rey. She grips onto him and he comes inside of her, his knot growing and locking them together. She sighs in relief and lets her body relax into his. When his knot finally goes down he removes himself. She doesn’t ask him to, doesn’t have the will anymore to push him away but he does anyway. His entire body shakes as he pulls himself away from her and sways as he walks outside of her room, collapsing naked on the floor and pulling the door closed. It goes on the same way for a full twenty-four hours. Ben grips his stomach and dry heave into the trash can outside her room and Rey writhing in pain until she can’t take it any longer and calling for him. He knots her quickly every time and every time removes himself and walks or crawls to the other side of her door. 

Eventually Rey can’t do it anymore. Every time he pulls away it hurts. She grabs his arm as he moves away from her.

“Stay please?”

Ben snuggles in close to Rey and they both fall asleep for the first time since her heat started. 

Rey awakens again to cramping but this time she pulls Ben in right away. He gently ruts into her. It lasts longer this time. Ben buries his face in her neck as she moves her hips. He kisses her neck and whispers into her ear.

“You’re perfect. Such a good Omega.”

He flips her over and she pushes her ass into him. 

“That’s right, I’m going to fill you up, make you feel so good.” 

Rey hums and grips the sheets. The room is quiet besides their heavy breathing, their minds singularly focused. Ben brings his hand up and feels her sides before sliding down to her sex. He rubs her clit and pushes her over the edge. The orgasm is strong and Ben immediately cums inside of her. 

Every cycle gets easier both physically and emotionally. They barely speak, they don’t need to. They speak a language that exists only for the two of them. Rey has never felt a connection like this with anyone before and it’s addicting. She rolls over and kisses Ben softly on the lips. He pulls his head back in surprise before grabbing the back of her head and kissing her back. Rey opens her mouth and darts her tongue into Ben's mouth. She moves her hand down his body and to his erect cock and slides her hand up and down his shaft and over his head. Ben gasps and moves his hips toward her hand. It’s more intimate now, no longer the quick and purposeful fucking from before done only to temperarillly quell her heat. This is personal and private and does more than just satisfy their physical needs. Ben suddenly rolls on top of Rey and kisses down her throat to her breasts. He takes a nipple in his mouth and sucks on it letting go with a quiet pop. Rey grabs his hair and arches her back and he moves back to her lips giving greedy kisses. Rey moves her hips toward him and he grabs his dick and lines himself up, slowly pushing himself in. Rey lets out a breath and relaxes as he ruts into her faster now. She starts moving against him and he holds her down. 

“Don’t move.” 

He pulls her legs up and keeps going, reaching between them and circling her clit. His knot starts inflating as he comes bringing her along with him.

Ben doesn’t even pull out when his knot deflates, they just lie together in comfortable silence. Neither of them want to move because they know that when they do It’s over. They can’t stay in this state forever, can’t keep holding onto this simple and raw connection the heat gives them. Rey tucks her head into Ben's chest and cries quietly. 

“I’m sorry Rey, I couldn’t let them take you, I just couldn’t.”

Rey lets out a shaky breath and pulls out of Ben's arms. She tiptoes to the shower and lets the water wash off the last few days. She scrubs her body with soap several times but knows that nothing will get his smell off of her. No amount of soap will undue the last three days. The new reality sinks in and she prepares herself to face Ben again, dressing and pinning her hair into buns behind her head.

It’s awkward and uncomfortable. Ben sits on the bed looking down. She feels it, the bond. She can’t help but care about Ben. She can sense how uncomfortable and hurt he feels right now and it makes her want to cry. She wants to go to him and comfort him. Now that her heat is over though she can think more for herself. She can resist him, resist all of it. Nothing has actually changed, none of the feelings or pain she had before are gone, they’re just slightly numbed now. Ben stands and takes his turn in the bathroom coming out twenty minutes later. 

“You must be hungry.” 

“Yes.” 

They walk together to the kitchen and sit awkwardly with the rest of the family. Rey eats more than she ever thought possible, downing an entire stack of pancakes in minutes. Han gives Leia a kiss and Ben a pat on the back before leaving, saying he has work to do. 

“How do you feel?” Leia asks

“Horrible.” Rey says. 

Leia's face drops and Padme steps in.

“I was going to do some knitting. Do you want me to teach you some?” 

Rey nods and stands, following Padme downstairs to the living room. To Rey’s relief and pain Ben doesn’t follow. They sit on the couch and Padme teaches Rey the basics, giving her a simple pattern for a scarf to start.

“I don’t understand why.”

“Why what?” 

“Why you all pretend like you care about me?”

“We’re not pretending, we actually do love you.” 

“But you don’t know me. Han said knew my parents. He said they spent a lot of time and resources to find me and it was hard on them and I’m hurting you all when I reject you.”

“He what?” 

“The first day I was here. He also told me that the world is hard for Omegas and I need to suck it up”

“That boy, I swear If he sees Leia upset he lets go of all reason. He’s the one who was so adamant about not telling you too much. We agreed to let you heal on your own and not to put pressure on you.” 

Leia shakes her head and sighs.

“It’s actually Leia who took it the hardest when your parents died. They were all good friends growing up. Han met your father through Leia. They were in the first generation assigned through the government you know? Han and your father hit it off immediately. They were a little gang, Your father, Han, chewie, and… “

Padme sets her knitting down. 

“...My son Luke, Leia's twin. Luke was the first to pass away and Chewie died a few months later. Then your parents on the one year anniversary of Luke. 

Padme reaches a hand up to wipe away a stay tear. 

“I held my daughter in my arms at your parents funeral. Han couldn’t even get her out of bed for days and she refused to eat or talk. They tried to take you in to raise you, Han and Leia. They actually found it in your parents' will that they didn’t want you with Sheev but He swooped in right away and hid you. For Han and Leia you’re the last living remnant of friends they lost. They’ll do anything to make sure you’re safe and loved. It’s what your parents wanted and what Han and Leia want to do.”

Rey nods staring off to the distance. 

“Hey look at me.”

Padme puts her hand over Rey’s heart feeling the quickening beat.

“You don’t owe any of us your love. You heal how you need to and don’t worry about our feelings.”

Rey looks down at her abysmal attempt to knit and laughs. 

“I’m bad at this.” 

“You are.” Padme teases. 

“But you’ll get better.” 

\--- 

Rey is surprised to find the handy man taking down the locks when she returns to her room. She looks at Ben who gives a half smile. 

Rey stands in the room unsure what happens next, she just knows she wants some space.

“I want to be alone.” . 

She turns to Ben and watches his entire body collapse on itself. He clenches his jaw and takes a shaky step towards Rey and then stops. 

Ben turns without a word and exits the room. Rey opens the window, feeling a breeze on her skin. She starts pulling her leg up to the sill. She’s climbed out before, she can do it again...

...But She can’t. She can’t leave her mate. The bond is real, she can feel it and she knows that there won’t be a life anywhere else as long as it exists inside of her. She sits on the sill and looks out at the street thinking about everything that Padme told her. She doesn’t know if she can love them. She can’t let go of this feeling like letting herself feel anything towards them is wrong. If she’s honest with herself she’s scared too. She’s afraid that they, like everyone in her life, will betray her.

Rey walks to the door and stops with her hand on the knob. She can hear Ben on the other side of the door. He’s crying, no sobbing. She opens the door and sees Ben solo, sobbing on the floor. Her heart does a flip. 

“Ben.”

Ben stands quickly, wiping the tears away. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you sorry?” 

“You... I was crying.”

Be fixes his face into a neutral expression, one Rey is so used to seeing. She realizes that most of the time she’s been around him he’s been wearing a mask. 

“Why would you care that I saw you crying?” 

“You weren’t supposed to see that, I’m supposed to be strong.” 

“I don’t care.” 

Ben's expression slips and he puts it back.

“I don’t care about your crying Ben. I don’t care what you do.” 

A sudden rush of anger tears through Rey and she walks up to Ben and shoves him into the wall. They both stand in the hallway surprised at Rey’s uncharacteristic bout of violence and Ben knits his brow and steps towards her angrily.

“You don’t actually care about me Ben. I am not my parents and you mating me doesn’t bring them back. I was forced to be here! You did this to me. How can I love you when you’re my captor?” She says it to herself more than to him.

“I know you don’t fucking care!”

He steps back and runs his hand through his hair before turning to her and looking her in the eyes.

“...but I do. I care so much. I care that you’re not happy. I care that I fucking bit you like that, that I scarred you for life. I know you think I’m this horrible person who killed your grandfather and kidnapped you even though...”

Ben starts pacing back and forth.

“I don’t actually like treating you like a prisoner. I don’t like having to hold onto you so you don’t faint or have a seizure. I don’t like putting locks on the doors and windows. I don’t like having to watch you every second of the day and night because the doctor thinks you might kill yourself otherwise. I didn’t want any of this. I spent years looking for someone who doesn’t even exist. I knew you would be traumatized but I thought it would be from your grandfather. I thought I could give you space and love and we could be together. Getting a taste just for it to be pulled away was a special type of cruel that I don’t know how I’m going to handle again. I didn’t think I would be the monster. I don’t like being a monster Rey. I can’t be what you need and anything I do just makes everything so much worse, and here I am now after telling myself over and over again not to say anything ranting on about my problems when yours are so much worse. So yeah, I know you don’t care about me and that’s fine but I fucking care about you and always will and I’ll be a fucking heartless monster for you to hate as long as you’re safe…”

He walks her into the wall placing a finger on her chest.

“Call me a monster. Tell me I killed your grandfather and forced you to mate me. Tell me I’m your captor and that you’re stuck in this place you hate, but don’t you ever say I don’t care again. Don’t you ever act like you know what’s in my heart.” 

Rey doesn’t say anything. She just stares at Ben, unmoving. He backs away and walks towards the staircase.

“Where are you going?” 

“I don’t know, work maybe.” 

Rey sits on the floor of the hallway. She doesn’t really know what to do or think. She waits there for hours and hours, it brings her back to the day her parents died. She can’t love Ben, can’t feel empathy for him. He’s done so much against her and this feeling, him leaving, she can’t handle it. She can’t let someone into her life who will hurt her. Leia and Padme notice her and peek at her every once in a while. Leia brings her food at dinner time and sits with her but doesn’t say anything. She takes the plate away when Rey is done. Rey eventually falls asleep on the floor. She wakes up when Ben lifts her and carries her to the bed. Ben moves her hair back and gives her a small kiss on the forehead before backing away towards the door.

“You’re not sleeping in here?”

“The doctor said I don’t have to watch you anymore,” He says.

“Unless you want me to stay?” he adds 

She does. She hates to admit it but she wants so badly for him to climb into bed and cuddle with her. Or to sleep on the floor like before, just being close to her and showing her that she’s not alone. She wants to feel protected and warm and forget about everything that has ever happened. She wants to feel the closeness she felt during her heat, to stop caring about how she should feel and be selfish, taking all the love Ben offers her and preserving it in her heart.

“No.” 

He smiles and puts his face back into the neutral mask she can now recognize easily. 

“If you need me I’ll be next door.”

He stands in the doorway for several moments, looking intently at Rey like she’ll disappear as soon as he turns away. 

Then he leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh, I don't know. Sometimes (ok most of the time) when I post chapters it's not cause I feel like it's done but more cause I'm done with it. I may have to add some more chapters but we'll see. 
> 
> How are y'all feeling about Ben now?


	10. Airplane

Wind howls outside of Rey's window. It threatens to break in and sweep her away, carrying her into the darkness to be swallowed. She’s suddenly a kid again, clutching her blanket tight over her head and hoping the monsters don’t come for her. A storm gathers over her room and unleashes itself on her. She starts crying and tells herself that it’s just the storm she’s frightened of. That the thunder and lightning are what has her heart palpitating and not the anxiety that surrounds her entire being. She sits up in bed, hugs her pillow, and waits for the storm to end.

It doesn’t though, at least not until he walks in.

Rey lies on her side half asleep. The storm has passed and light shines in through the window. There’s a knock before the door creaks open. Ben walks tentatively towards her bed, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, you coming to breakfast?” He asks.

“No.” Rey pulls the covers over her head.

Ben approaches her, peeling back the blanket and laying his hand on her forehead. 

“Are you sick, do you need anything?” 

Rey sits up crossing her legs and stretches her arms out in front of her.

“No, I woke up last night and couldn’t fall asleep again.” 

“The storm.” 

“Yeah.” 

Ben moves to the window and looks out. 

“It’s supposed to be clear for the whole day but there’s another one coming tonight.”

Rey nods, looking off absentmindedly.

“I’ll bring you something to eat.” Ben says.

Rey looks out her window and watches pedestrians moving purposefully through the street. She sees a kid jump in a puddle, soaking her mother in muddy rain water. The mom jumps right back in the puddle and they laugh together, playing in the water. It’s something so normal and sweet and Rey becomes entranced, watching the interaction. It feels both so close and so far away, a similar feeling as when she dreams of getting ready in the morning just to wake up and find that none of it is real.

“What are you watching?” Ben asks from the doorway.

“Nothing.” 

Ben carries a tray of food over, putting it on her bed. He stands for a minute, shifting on his feet before talking. 

“So, you have to talk to some government agents at the end next week.” 

Rey takes a bite of toast and nods. 

“I thought if you’re up to it I could show you where I work?”

Rey tries her best not to react. She’s been at the Solo’s for almost two weeks and the only place she’s been is the backyard. She misses the days where she would start her mornings running on the beach. She used to stay out until the sun went down, climbing around the island. Being inside for a prolonged period of time isn’t something she’s accustomed to or enjoys.

“Yeah that sounds nice.” 

Several minutes of silence happen. Ben watches Rey eat before blinking a few times and shifting his eyes away.

“Just come find me when you’re ready. You can go back to sleep if you want and we can go this afternoon.” 

He lingers a few more moments before leaving Rey alone. 

\--- 

Rey ties her hair back behind her head and takes a deep breath before heading out of her room. Ben turns a corner at the same time Rey walks out of the room and they run into each other. Ben catches Rey, slamming his back into the opposing wall. Rey leans in for a second as Ben steadies himself, taking in the warm woodsy scent that wafts off of him. It feels like home and for the moment he holds her she feels her anxiety melt away. Ben pushing her away and onto her own feet feels like pulling magnets apart. 

“Sorry, I didn’t see you there.” Ben says

“I’m ready to go.” Rey motions to her outfit, a pair of jeans and a sweater.

“You look nice. I like your, uh, hair.” Ben smiles

He pulls his phone out, typing a message and sending it before leading her down the stairs. 

Standing in the entryway is the same Alpha Rey met on her first night at the Solo’s when she climbed out the window. She stops on the last stair, hesitating. 

“Hux is one of our body guards,” Ben explains. 

Rey bites her lip and takes the last step off of the stairs, still eyeing Hux.

“He’ll go out with you whenever you want to go out.” 

Surprise flashes across Rey’s face and she gapes at Ben.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to pressure you or anything.” 

“No, it’s, I can leave the house?” 

Rey watches Ben's face change into a scowl. His body stiffens as He leans against the railing and crosses his arms. 

“You’re not a prisoner here. We’re not keeping you chained up in the basement and refusing you freedom.” 

Rey steps away “Really? You have no idea why I have that impression? Because it’s not like you, I don’t know, put locks on the doors and windows.”

Ben visibly flinches. 

“I’m... “ He clenches his teeth before getting the rest out ”...sorry, that wasn’t fair. I get why you would feel that way. Yes, you can go out just take a Hux and let someone know. We all take the same precautions when leaving. We have a phone for you too, you can just message someone before you leave.” 

“Where would I even go?” 

“I don’t know, maybe the library or the park. Wherever really.” 

“I like swimming, I always swim on my birthday.” Rey says.

“There’s a gym close that has a pool. Maybe we could go together? We could make it a weekly thing if you want...”

“... or not,” He adds. 

“Sure,” Rey says.

She tentatively follows Ben to the car waiting outside. 

It’s amazing how freeing it feels for Rey to be out of the house. She looks out of the car window and watches the city pass. She almost forgot that the outside world existed, let alone how big it is.

The security to get into the airport is insane. Rey walks through metal detectors, has her picture taken, and is questioned. Ben explains that this is the largest port in the world and the capital of air travel. He does most of his work from a desk but occasionally visits other cities across the world.

“Have you ever been on one?” Ben asks, motioning to the planes

“I think I went on a trip with my parents. I have a memory but It might have been a dream.” 

“Do you want to go?” 

“Right now?” 

Ben grins and grabs her hand, pulling her with him through the airport. He shows her to a tiny plane at the very end of a line of small planes. 

“This is mine.” 

“Do you fly a lot?” 

“No as often as I’d like. It’s my favorite place to be, in the air. Up there it’s like the world doesn’t exist. This probably sounds dumb but the sky feels like my true home.” 

He runs his hand over his plane lovingly before getting to work preparing to fly. He shows Rey how to check the oil and gas. He shows her the engine and explains how it works and tells her more detail than necessary about different types of planes and the pros and cons of each.

He talks more than she’s ever heard him talk before, smirking as he tells stories of his dad yelling at him after a flight demonstration. He was supposed to do a quick simple flight and he did a barrel roll as he passed over where the spectators watched. He talks about how he spent countless hours as a kid playing in the airport and how he feels more comfortable here than his own home. 

They climb in the plane and Ben hands her a headset and prepares to take off. Rey’s eyes widen as they rise into the air. She looks out at the expanse of land and sky and completely forgets every bad thing that’s happened to her. She’s reminded of how she feels when in the ocean and looks at Ben, realizing that this is his ocean, neverending and open to every possibility. She looks at Ben excitedly and he beams back at her. 

“If we kept traveling this way we would eventually fly over Niagara falls,” He says, motioning forward.

“I’ve always wanted to travel.”

It’s so easy with him now, the awkwardness and anger she has feels less important and for this moment they’re just friends enjoying each other's company. 

Landing is more terrifying for Rey than taking off. She’s confident as the plane gets closer to the runway that they won’t make it. They land safely though and by the time they arrive back at the Apron she’s totally fine. 

“I liked that.” She tells Ben as he helps her out of the plane.

“One day we can fly across the world.” 

“Really?” 

“I would do anything to see you smile like that again.” 

A gagging sound comes from Rey's right and she looks over to see a small Omega woman. 

“Did you read that line in a romance novel or something Ben?” The woman teases.

Rey stares at the stranger and looks back and forth between her and Ben.

“Oh, I’m Rose.” The woman smiles. 

“Rey.” 

“I’m taking your Omega Ben,” Rose says unceremoniously.

Ben takes a step putting himself between Rose and Rey. 

“I don’t know, it’s only been two days since we mated and what if...”

“Do you want to go with me?” Rose interjects. 

“Yes.” 

Rose puts her hands on her hips and stares at Ben.

“Just stay in the general area ok?” 

“Oh come on like security would let us out, come on Rey.”

Rose grabs Rey’s hand and pulls her away. They walk around looking at planes and talking.

“How do you know Ben?” Rey asks.

“We met in elementary school and have been friends ever since. I work here now, well technically I’m volunteering right now if anyone asks. My papers only let me work part time.” 

“How are you holding up?” Rose asks quietly.

“Fine.” Rey says unconvincingly.

“Do you want to get some space?” 

Rey looks back at Hux and Ben who are doing a bad job of discreetly following the Omegas. Rose looks too. 

“They’ll back off if we tell them too… Or we can piss them off a little, what do you want?” 

“I want to piss them off.”

Rose looks at Rey and pulls her suddenly into a hallway. They start sprinting through a complicated set of doors until they reach a closet. Rose pulls a flask out of a hidden compartment and takes a drink before handing it to Rey. 

“For the anxiety I’m sure you’re feeling running from your Alpha, it gets easier.”

“Thank you.” Rey takes a swig from the flask, coughing as the liquid burns her throat. 

“We have twenty minutes before they find us.” She raises her wrist up and shows off the bracelet. “They’re going to be so pissed, but this is worth it.” she laughs. 

“So, I’ll ask again, how are you holding up?” 

“I’m not fine at all,” Rey confesses.

“Yeah, the Solo’s are an intense group and from what I’ve heard you’ve been through a lot. It must be hard getting mated like that.” 

“Aren’t everyone forced to mate?” 

“I mean I guess so but it doesn’t really feel like that.” 

“Did you get a choice at all in who you mated?” 

“I was assigned when I was seven and can’t really remember the process that well. I know I met several Alphas and they took a blood sample. My mom told me that after the virus happened there was a lot of chaos. Alphas were claiming Omegas forcefully, crime was up, and Omegas were being forced to breed by their Alphas. After the government stepped in and started the job program and then the assignment services everything got so much better. It’s not like you’re assigned to someone you’ll hate. A lot of work goes into making sure everyone is with someone who’s compatible.”

“So you’re happy?” 

“Yes, but ask me again after they find us.”

Rose puts away the liquor and gives Rey a water bottle and a breath mint.

“I’d rather nobody know I drink at work,” She smiles. 

“Oh, and a tip, Alphas get all weird about alcohol.”

“Why?” 

“We’re more sensitive to it. Alphas have a hard time when they perceive danger, even when it’s small.” 

“Thanks for all of this,” Rey says.

“Hey, I know you probably don’t know much about all this, any question, seriously give me a call and explain anything to you in way more detail than you could possibly want,” Rose says taking Rey’s hand.

Rose pulls a book from her bag and hands it to Rey. 

“My mom gave this book to me when I hit puberty, I think you could use it. It was written by an Omega and is so informative, it really gives some great insight.” 

Rey looks at the book, simply titled Omega and tucks in under her arm.

Rey’s heart feels just a little lighter. A friend. Someone who doesn’t want anything from her. She feels less alone, like her life no longer revolves around the Solo’s or the island. Rose is the first person she’s ever met who Rey feels like she relates to on a basic level. She’s what Rey has always felt like a big sister would feel like, explaining changes and giving advice.

The door opens and Hux stands over them. He lets out a low growl and pulls Rose up and into arms. 

“Stay.” He commands. A shiver runs through Rey as she’s glued to the floor. 

Hux pulls his phone and types away, keeping Rose tucked in the crook of his arm and Ben shows up a few minutes later. 

“You could have just said you wanted privacy Rose!” Ben yells.

“I know, this keeps it exciting.” She winks. 

Ben grabs Rey's hand and drags her away. 

“Come visit anytime Rey!” Rose yells. 

Rey looks back at Hux and Rose. She caresses his cheek as he chastises her.

“You sent him into an Alpha panic Rose!” 

Rose stands on her tiptoes fighting right back. 

“I knew exactly what I was doing, Ben can deal with it.” She pokes him in the chest.

Ben pulls Rey into his office and sets her in a chair. He grabs her arm and pulls her collar back, running his finger over her mark. Rey looks into Ben's dilated eyes and feels her body start reacting to him. He inhales and steps away, yelling out “Fuck” and pacing the room.

Rey's eyes widen and she pulls her legs up to her chest, protecting herself.

“I know I touched you. I’m sorry, I’m fine, I just need a second.” 

Rey watches Ben pace for ten minutes taking shaky breaths before finally calming down enough to sit down at his desk. 

“Hey Ben?” 

“Yes?” 

“I just don’t get it.” 

“What don’t you get.” 

“Why everyone cares so much about this.” 

Rey pulls her shirt down showing Ben's mark.

“It’s about control.” 

“Controlling Omegas?” 

Ben leans on his desk, looking Rey in the face. He shakes his head.

“Um, yes and no, Omegas are easier to control physically than Alphas,” He drums his fingers on his desk. “When you control who someone loves you control the person.” 

Rey knits her brow.

“Your friends, Finn and Poe.” 

“What about them?” 

“Did they even tell you they called me?” 

“No.” Rey looks down.

“The cost of hiding an Omega is steep. They didn’t just risk their livelihood hiding you, they risked losing each other.” 

Rey looks away processing. Her mind turns to Bee, the only one to really help her, the only one who didn’t have someone to lose. 

\--- 

Ben peaks his head into Rey's room as she climbs into bed.

“There’s another storm tonight.” He says

“You told me this morning.”

Ben moves into the room and leans against the door.

“You can come to me if you’re scared.” 

He looks up at Rey hopefully but she doesn’t make eye contact. She fidgets with her blanket, focusing on how the fabric feels in her hands.

“Ok.” she finally says.

“Ok.” Ben repeats before leaving.

Rey pulls the book out that Rose gave her and runs her hand over the cover. She doesn’t want to know, she decides. She never wants to give into this life. She takes the book to her dresser and pushes it to the back of her drawer and covers it with clothes.

Rey wakes up again to the same wind outside of her window. Her heart beats rapidly as the thunder booms through the room. Her thoughts turn to Ben. She thinks about when she ran into him. How he felt so safe and warm. She knows if she goes to him now he’ll hold her tight until she’s fast asleep, that she could sleep through the whole night if he was with her. She tentatively gets out of bed and tip toes to the door. She stops though. She can sense him on the other side. She puts her forehead up to the door and can feel him right there. Neither of them speak. She desperately wants to open the door. Her body begs her to reach out to her Alpha for comfort. If he opened the door right now she would be putty. She would let him in her bed and in her heart. 

Ben isn’t just the Alpha who kidnapped her anymore, who locked her in a room and forced her to mate. He loves to fly. His emotions are as intricate as hers, motivations and choices deeply complex with thousands of shades of grey. She can’t justify a black and white opinion of him. He has hopes and dreams and an entire personality she’s just barely gotten to explore. 

He doesn’t open the door and neither does Rey. She steps away and walks back to her bed. She doesn’t hear him but knows he’s still there. knows he’s waiting for her, but she won’t go. She’s far away and close at the same time, at a place that feels inbetween a dream and a nightmare. She doesn’t know if she can ever let him in but she does know that keeping him out hurts, and she’s tired of hurting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're about to go into the last drama before the end. I might add one more chapter in to give Rey a little space but I also don't want to go on too long of a detour so idk we'll see. 
> 
> Anyway, y'all would probs be mad if I killed Padme right? I probably shouldn't do that I don't think...


	11. Drugs

Rey’s whole body begs for sleep. Her head feels as though it’s full of bubbles slowly filling with air and pushing against her skull. Her muscles ache and her eyes droop. Another night tossing and turning. She can’t stay in her room any longer. She gets up and dresses, walking downstairs to the kitchen. Leia stands at the window, looking out at the still dark sky and sipping on a cup of coffee. She turns and jumps at the sight of Rey.

“Oh, sorry,” Rey says.

“No, it’s ok. I’m not used to anyone being up this early, do you want some coffee?” 

Rey nods and Leia walks over to a cabinet, opening it up and grabbing a mug. 

“I’m actually glad I’m finally getting you alone.” Leia's hands shake as she pours the coffee, a drop of hot liquid falling over the side of the mug as Leia hands it to Rey . 

“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.” Leia says, sitting down at the kitchen counter.

The air in the room is sucked away and they both avert their eyes from each other. 

“I’m the one who pushed to find you. All those years ago I fought to make sure you and Ben would be assigned. I thought having you here and seeing you happy would, I don’t know, heal something I guess. Then when I saw you that first night so broken and helpless...” 

Leia speaks barely above a whisper but it somehow still feels loud to Rey. 

“...You’re not happy and honestly I don’t think I would feel any better if you were. I wish all of this had happened differently, or not at all.” 

Rey swirls her coffee.

“You put locks on the doors and windows.” she says quietly. 

“We were scared,” Leia responds.

“So was I.” Rey looks up, meeting Leia's eyes.

“We were wrong.” Leia confesses. “We were wrong about so much.”

They sit together quietly as the sun begins to flow through the window and illuminate the room. Rey can hear birds starting to sing outside as the world wakes up.

“What are your plans for the day?” Leia finally says.

“I don’t have any.” She never has any plans and the question only reminds her of that.

“I was thinking about going to the farmers market?” 

“I…” Rey hesitates. “yeah sure.” 

“I’ll call a car, why don’t you go grab a jacket and meet me back here in a few.” Leia jumps out of her seat, quickly preparing to leave.

Rey walks past her room and to Ben’s without thinking. She looks at his door and steps up to it, raising her hand to knock. She wonders if she should tell him where she’s going. Would he be angry if she left without saying anything. He didn’t tell her she had to tell him she was going out, just to tell someone. Would he want to go with them? Does she want him to come? She wants to knock on his door, maybe even invite him along too. She knows his presence would make her calm, it always somehow does. Her hand hovers for a minute before she backs away and walks to her room, getting her jacket and heading back down to meet Leia. 

Han stands in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee. Leia walks in and kisses Han on the cheek.

“We’re headed to the farmers market,” Leia says.

He pulls Leia into a hug, kissing her on the head. 

“Did you eat already?” 

“Yeah.” 

“More than a cup of coffee?” 

Leia winks and motions for Rey to follow.

“Leia!” Han yells after them. 

“We’ll see you later.” Leia yells back from the doorway. 

“Leia, eat something at the market.” Han says, following them.

“I will!” 

“Something more than chocolate.” 

“Mmhmm” 

“Leia I swear to God,” 

Leia walks quickly out the door, meeting an Alpha outside.

“Have you met Lando yet?”

Rey has met him. He was there the day they caught her, helping hold her down as they jammed a needle in her arm. She forces herself to stay still as she shakes her head no. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Lando holds the car door open for Leia and Rey and they climb in. A sliver of panic starts to rise in Rey as the car carries them away from the brownstone, her mind turning to Ben. This new world Rey navigates is difficult. It’s like playing a board game where everyone else knows the rules but her. She’s stuck trying to figure everything out while everyone around her is already halfway to winning the game. She doesn’t understand why she ever feels the way she does, why she sometimes panics for seemingly no reason. how she could yell and slam a door in Ben's face while simultaneously wanting nothing more than to bury herself in his arms.

“Are you ok dear?” 

Rey closes her eyes and shakes her head.

“I didn’t tell Ben I was leaving.” 

Rey opens her eyes and looks at Leia.

“I don’t care if he knows,” She adds.

“No of course you don’t, I understand. Han will tell him where we went, you don’t need to worry. He won’t be upset, just enjoy yourself, ok?” 

Rey lets out a held breath and relaxes into her seat. 

\---

Leia hands Rey a small money card, encouraging her to find something she wants. They walk around the market, examining art and smelling flowers. Everyone seems to know Leia and she stops and talks at almost every booth. 

Rey finds herself in a booth surrounded by pottery, she picks up a piece that reminds her of Finn and Poe. She remembers them at the wheel, building up mugs and bowls. She liked helping them, liked packing orders and organizing things. She liked feeling part of a team. She looks up and realizes that she’s alone. Leia and Lando separated at some point, Rey isn’t sure when. It’s a weird feeling after being suffocatingly close to people for two weeks to separate so suddenly. 

“You should get it if you like it.” Leia says from behind Rey.

“Oh, no I just... Finn and Poe taught me a little about ceramics.” 

“Is it something you would want to do again?” 

Rey looks down.

“I don’t know.” 

“Hey, anything you want to do Rey, seriously we’ll make it happen. Any classes, or school. We can get it set up for you. I know there’s a studio in town that offers all sorts of art classes. You can visit your friends again any time.” 

Rey puts the bowl back and steps out of the booth, crossing her arms. It was never about the art for Rey. She didn’t just want to learn, she wanted Poe to teach her.

“Or nothing, you don’t need to do anything if you don’t want to.” 

Rey looks down at her outfit.

“I’d like some different clothes, I like what I have but,” her voice falters.

“You want some that you’ve picked out yourself. Why don’t we pick up some things for your room too.” 

They buy clothing and various items for Rey’s room before sitting on a bench. Leia hands Rey a chocolate and Rey takes a bite, savoring the sweet taste. Rey looks around and realizes that Lando is gone and has been for some time.

“Where did Lando go?” 

Leia puts a finger to her mouth. 

“I sent him off a while ago, he’ll find us soon I’m sure.” 

“You can send them away?”

“Well... no, but sometimes I don’t want to feel stalked. Lando can be bribed if you point him in the direction of food.”

Rey furrows her brow, trying to understand the use of body guards.

“Why have them at all?” 

“We hired the security team after your parents passed. There was a lot of uncertainty about our safety and then when you and Ben became official it was necessary. Han and Ben are more intense about it. You’ll find that Alphas tend to act slightly irrationally when it comes to safety.” 

Rey pops another chocolate in her mouth.

“What do you do?” she changes the subject.

“Nothing anymore but I used to fly planes. Han and I got into a good amount of trouble together back in the day.” Leia smiles.

“Why did you stop?” 

“I quit years ago when… I just haven't found it in me to go back. But hey, maybe I’ll take up pottery with you.” 

“Do you like art?” 

“Oh god I hate it, one time I tried to make a card for Han. Well I tried to draw a lighthouse but it came out more like a dick.” Leia covers her face with her hands before dropping them and sighing. “I think it fit him more anyway so it’s fine.”

Rey laughs so hard that tears start falling. She can’t stop picturing Han opening a card for his birthday and finding a huge dick drawn on it. 

“Are you ok dear?” Leia chuckles along with Rey.

Rey nods as she continues to lose it. It’s been so long since Rey has laughed, it feels like it’s all coming out at once. She keeps stopping and starting again, unable to get any words out.

\--- 

Rey takes all the clothes out of her dresser and puts them in a bag to donate. She takes out everything she bought with Leia and organizes it all. It does help, having clothes that feel like hers. She puts on a white tunic and grey pair of leggings before moving to the bed and changing the bedspread. The room feels just a little more like hers. 

She grabs a snack for dinner, declining the request for her to eat with the family and walks to the library, finding a book and settling into a chair. She reads several chapters before Ben walks in, leaning against the wall.

“I didn’t see you today,” Rey says, looking up from her book.

“My dad said you went out so I went to work.” 

Ben pushes himself off the wall.

“Well I’m headed to bed,” he says.

Rey looks at the clock, noticing how late it is.

“Goodnight.” She says, turning her attention back to her book. 

“Oh, wait.” She looks up again.

“Yes.” 

“I thought I’d go for a run tomorrow morning.” 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Ben's eyes widen ever so slightly and he gives a small smile.

“No, I was just telling you. You said to tell someone before I leave.” 

“Oh, ok.”

Ben gives the door a few knocks, grabbing hold of the frame. 

“I’m here Rey if you have a bad dream.” 

“I know.” 

Yes, of course.” Ben pulls himself out of the room and Rey listens to his footsteps get quieter as he walks away.

Rey doesn’t go back to her room. She eventually falls asleep on the chair, clutching her book and somehow it’s the most rest she’s had since arriving at the Solo’s.

\--- 

Rey finds a routine. She wakes up early and goes on a run, usually taking Hux with her but sometimes Lando. He stays back and she explores the area, finding little parks and graffiti. She keeps her routine for almost a week. Ben goes back to work and she’s content to spend her days reading or spending time with Padme. She knows that she’ll feel the call for something more soon but for now she feels not quite happy but not like she’s drowning. 

Ben is the only thing that she can’t accept. Night after night she can’t let him in, if she did then everything would change. Biology pulls her towards him and him towards her and she fights it. She tells herself that the feelings aren’t real, that it’s the scarred over mark on her shoulder and nothing more. She can’t let him in because if she does then she’ll never be able to ask him to leave again and that scares her. It scares her more than anything. She can’t feel that way about anyone, can’t give power like that away.

\---

Ben walks to her room and hands her a bag. Rey pulls out more swimsuits than she could ever need. 

“I wanted to surprise you but then I was at the store and there were so many. I might have gone overboard. You can take back any you don’t like.”

He puts his hand on the back of his head.

“Do you want to go swimming now?” 

Rey picks up a swimsuit and hands Ben the bag full of other ones. 

“I do.” 

They arrive at the gym thirty minutes later and Ben signs them in, getting Rey her own card to come whenever she wants. They take a tour and Rey goes to the changing room before walking to a large pool. It’s not the same as the ocean but Rey pretends it is. The water may not be what she’s used to but she feels relief with the normalcy of it. She swims lap after lap, going much longer than Ben is able to. Ben sits in a chair and watches until Rey finally gets out.

“Are you hungry?” 

Rey’s stomach gurgles and she places her hand over it and nods.

Ben takes Rey to a hamburger place, finding a booth at the back of the restaurant, aways from the other patrons. 

“Do you like milkshakes?” Ben asks.

“I’ve never had one. Is it just milk?” 

“It’s blended ice cream. We’re definitely getting you one.” 

Ben orders them both hamburgers and chocolate milkshakes. Rey digs in. It’s the best thing she’s ever eaten. Ben smiles wide as she downs her entire drink. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never had one before.”

“I haven't done a lot of things.”

Ben's smile drops. 

“Of course, i’m sorry.” 

“I’d like to try more things.” Rey eyes Bens shake.

“Anything you want.” Ben says, pushing his milkshake towards her

Rey starts shivering from a combination of the cold drink, an obnoxious air vent that’s blowing straight on her, and her wet hair. Ben unbuttons his shirt and pulls it off, handing it to her and being left with only an undershirt. He slides into the booth next to her and tentatively puts his arm around her. She lets herself be warmed by him. 

“I always asked to come here for my birthday as a kid,” Ben mentions.

Rey smiles thinking about what Leia said about Han's birthday card. 

“What?” 

Rey shakes her head. “Nothing”

Ben looks down at her and their eyes meet. It’s like there’s an electric charge. Her breath hitches and her focus goes to his mouth. She wants to kiss him, just a few inches and her mouth would be on his. 

It happens so fast, their mouths meeting and she closes her eyes, feeling the relief of the kiss, the closeness of another body up against hers and the knowledge that she isn’t alone. He backs away smiling and Rey stares straight ahead. It was nice, like really nice. It felt good to kiss him and have him kiss her back and it feels good to be held. She thinks about everything that’s happened though and starts to feel overwhelming. She’s sad and angry and happy all at the same time. She wants to grab Ben's face and kiss him again but she also wants to slap him in the face. She doesn’t realize the tears or that she’s stopped breathing until Ben calls her name. 

“Fuck, oh Rey, oh no. what do I do, what do you want me to do?” 

A familiar feeling of calm washes over Rey as Ben's chest vibrates. She’s pulled out of the spiral her brain was starting and closes her eyes.

“Shh, hey, you’re ok.” Ben whispers in her ear as he threads his hand in her damp hair.

“I’m fine.” She finally says.

Ben pushes her away and looks over her. 

“Let's go home.” 

\---

Rey closes her door and sighs. She takes the shirt off that Ben gave to her, placing it on her dresser and gets ready for bed. She slides under her sheets and tosses and turns before sitting up. She slowly stands and walks to her dresser, grabbing Bens shirt and putting it on over her pajamas. She gets back under her covers and this time she sleeps.

\--- 

Rey sits up in bed clutching Ben’s shirt. She doesn’t want to admit to herself that maybe she actually wants Ben. Maybe she has feelings for him and his whole stupid family. If she admits that to herself she has to confront everything that’s happened to her and either forgive or learn to live with the contradiction of both loving and hating someone simultaneously. If she gives in to him, gives into all of it does it mean she will lose herself? Will it mean that she’s ok with everything they’ve done to her? Letting herself love him feels like losing or giving up. She already lost though she realizes. She’s tired and worn out, stuck in a prison. She’s lost and fighting just hurts her more. 

There’s a knock before Ben enters. 

“Fuck, are you ok?” 

Ben runs over. 

Rey looks into Ben's eyes before pulling him next to her. She runs her hand over Ben's chest, bringing it up behind his neck. Then she pulls him in and kisses him. Ben kisses her back before pulling her into his lap She settles her arms around him and lets go. 

“You’re safe, I’m here.” Ben says.

She lets everything wash away. A rumble comes from his chest and her mind submerges underwater. He’s like a drug, and as she looks up she sees him wipe away silent tears she realizes that she’s his drug too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, I was moving last week and didn't have any free time to write. 
> 
> The next chapter is going to be a bit (cough-a lot-cough) dramatic so y'all get ready for that. (I say this like the entire fic hasn't been one long and stressful emotional rollercoaster.)


	12. Taking it back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally made it to the second song that inspired this fic!
> 
> I know a girl from an island  
> She stands apart from the crowd  
> She loves the sea and her people  
> She makes her whole family proud  
> Sometimes the world seems against you  
> The journey may leave a scar  
> But scars can heal and reveal just  
> Where you are  
> The people you love will change you  
> The things you have learned will guide you  
> And nothing on Earth can silence  
> The quiet voice still inside you  
> And when that voice starts to whisper  
> "Moana, you've come so far"  
> Moana, listen  
> Do you know who you are?  
> Who am I?  
> I'm a girl who loves my island  
> And the girl who loves the sea  
> It calls me  
> I am the daughter of the village chief  
> We are descended from voyagers  
> Who found their way across the world  
> They call me  
> I've delivered us to where we are  
> I have journeyed farther  
> I am everything I've learned and more  
> Still, it calls me  
> And the call isn't out there at all, it's inside me  
> It's like the tide  
> Always falling and rising  
> I will carry you here in my heart, you'll remind me  
> That come what may  
> I know the way  
> I am Moana

Rey allows herself to look at Ben, really look at him. His face, which usually sits in a neutral position has melted into a soft expression. He pushes back a strand of Rey's hair and tucks it behind her ear. Their eyes meet and Rey notices the dark circles for the first time. He looks almost sick, his skin pale and body lean, too lean. She picks his hand up and examines it, running her fingers over the back of his dry and cracked skin where scabs are forming in several areas. He flinches and pulls his hand away. Rey slides her hand down Ben's chest stopping at the waistband of his pants. 

“Rey...” 

Her hand dips just below his waistband. She knows he wants her, she can see the physical response he gives, his eyes widening and the bulge in his pants growing. His breath comes more ragged and he clenches his jaw before grabbing Rey’s hand and pulling it away.

Rey feels a sharp pain in her chest, the feeling of being rejected by her Alpha. 

“Isn’t this what you want, for me to give up and be your mate” Rey mutters.

Ben closes his eyes and shakes his head. 

“Last night you kissed me and I kissed you back. it felt amazing Rey, it always feels amazing with you.” Ben shifts his eyes away, staring at an empty spot on the wall. ”but then you had a panic attack.” 

“I…” Rey stops. 

“This is what I want but I don’t think it’s what you want. I don’t want something to happen that we’ll both regret.” 

Ben pulls Rey into a hug. 

“I don’t want to hurt you Rey.” 

Rey isn’t sure if she wants to press herself further into Ben's embrace or push herself away. She shakes her head into his shoulder and leans back, looking up into his face.

“You already have.”

Ben inhales, his hands tighten slightly, grabbing onto her before he lets go. 

“I never wanted to.” 

“But you did.” 

There’s an uncomfortable silence. The sexual charge is still present but it’s mixed now with anger, stress and hurt. They feed off of eachother, both sinking into a pit of anguish that only pushes the other farther into their own. It’s a feeling that contrasts like oil and water. Rey feels rejected by Ben and at the same time thankful. She feels like pushing him down on the bed and throwing herself at him and at the same time finding the closest sharp object and stabbing him with it. The oil and water trying in vain to mix paralyzes her, making her unable to do any action at all. 

“We have to get ready for your interview.” Ben finally breaks them out of the spiral. 

Just like that Rey is able to push away her feelings and settle on a third option, one she didn’t consider before this moment. She stands up, walks to her bathroom and splashes her face with cold water, choosing not to react at all.

\---

They walk downstairs together and Rey stops in the kitchen, eyeing a vase of flowers. She walks over and picks up a flower, turning it over in her hands and bringing it up to her nose. The familiar smell fills her nostrils and she’s taken back to the island she grew up on. They grew everywhere and she always had a bouquet sitting in her room.

“I had to special order them.” Ben says from behind her.

Rey looks at the flower and starts tearing up.

“Do you like them? I thought it would be a nice surprise but maybe it was a bad idea...” 

“I don’t know.” Rey whispers. 

“Do you want me to get rid of them?” 

“No.” 

Rey picks the vase up and runs it back to her room, placing it on the dresser before returning to Ben, ready to leave the house.

\--- 

They arrive at a large building that reads assignment services and walk in. Rey immediately pushes herself into Ben as the overwhelming scent of aggressive Alpha overtakes her. He puts his arm around her and walks with her to the front desk. 

“Oh, Mr. Solo, you can go right back,” A man says, stranding up and taking them through the large and sterle building. They arrive in a bland room, the only furniture a metal table and chairs, and sit.

“Good to see you two are doing alright.” Agent Knight walks through the door minutes later with a stack of papers and a pen. 

“Just ask the questions so we can get out of here.” Ben says.

“Why don’t you wait outside Mr. Solo.” 

“Did you really just ask an Alpha to leave their Omega alone with another Alpha?” 

Agent knight sighs and puts his papers down on the table. He scribbles a few things down and leans back in his chair. 

“Ok, let's get started.” 

He hands Rey a few of the papers from his stack to look through and she examines them, looking through dozens of faces, some she recognizes and others she doesn’t. 

“Just tell me if you recognize anyone, ok darling?” 

“Why do you need to know this?” Rey asks.

Knight raises his eyebrow and looks at Ben. 

“She doesn’t need to know everything,” Ben says.

Rey sets the papers down and crosses her arms.

“Yes I do. I won’t say anything until you tell me why you need this information.”

“You want me to tell you everything little girl? You want me to explain in detail how your parents burned alive. You want me to tell you why they died? I’m willing to go into great detail about the boy your grandfather tortured. I would have to look it up to see if it was fingers or toes he sent to that boy's parents.” 

“That’s enough.” Ben says. His voice booms through the room, shaking Rey to her core. An air of panic wafts off of Ben washing through Rey. She isn’t safe here.

“Just tell me if you recognize anyone.” Knight says through clenched teeth.

Ben puts his hand on Rey's back and holds the papers up for Rey to take. Rey shakes as she takes the stack of papers and starts looking through. She picks out three that she recognizes and hands them back to Agent Knight. 

“They all were guests at some point, That’s all I know.” 

Knight thrums his fingers on the table.

“Nothing else, You didn’t overhear anything at all?” 

“I don’t know what to tell you, he didn’t tell me a lot of things.”

Knight jots down a few more notes and circles the photos Rey pointed out.

“ok, you can leave. We may ask you back in at a later date.” 

\--- 

Rey looks out the window the whole ride home, refusing to even acknowledge Ben. When they arrive at Rey’s door Ben grabs her arm. 

“Rey.” 

“Don’t touch me.” Rey yells. 

Ben steps back, raising his hands in surrender. 

“What do you know about me?” 

“It will just make you upset.” 

“What do you know?” 

“A lot.” 

“From the moment I was born all everyone has ever done is hide things from me.” 

“I showed you those pictures and the way you reacted, how was I supposed to give you more?” 

Rey scoffs and turns away reaching for her door handle. 

“I was going to tell you everything, you’re just not ready. Rey, I…”

“Stop! Don’t say another word.” 

Rey whips around, sticking a finger on Ben's chest and pushing him back until he hits the wall. She stands up tall, stepping in close. He’s stronger and larger than her and could overpower her in a second but right now Rey has all the control. Right now she could annihilate him and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

After everything this is what pushes her over the edge. She can’t be lied to anymore, can’t live a life where she doesn’t trust those around her. 

“Don’t talk to me. don’t touch me. don’t come into my room. If you see me somewhere turn around and walk the other way. I don’t want to know anything about you. I don’t want to fly me in your stupid plane or give me flowers. I don’t want to get to know you.” 

“But…”

“Yes I know my heat will be dangerous. I know I’ll crave your touch and my life will be miserable. I’d rather be miserable than have to be with you. I’ll use you when I have to and throw you away after.” 

Tears spill from Ben's eyes. He lets out a roar and takes a few steps away before punching the wall and turning back to her.

“You’re not the only one hurting right now. Every anxious thought you have will be mirrored in me.” his voice raises to an earth shattering volume.

“Good.” Rey screams. She grabs the vase full of flowers from her dresser and throws it at Ben. He ducks and it shatters against the wall, pieces of glass going everywhere. Ben stares at Rey in shock as she slams her door in his face.

She listens to his scream and flinches when he hits his hand on the door. She stands a few feet from the door waiting for him to barge in and force a connection, But he doesn’t. He paces outside of her door for several minutes before storming off.

Her pain is white hot. It’s like she’s holding her hand over an open flame. It burns and even when she pulls her hand back the pain stays and multiplies, nerves endings exposed. She can’t take another betrayal, another person in her life deciding what’s best for her without even consulting her. 

She can feel him, His anger and pain perforates the walls, adding another layer to her already burning rage. She doesn’t want to admit it to herself but in a twisted and cruel way she’s comforted by the bond, knowing that when he hurts her she can turn it around and stab him with that pain. Anger and vindication has never been who she is but right now it’s all she can think about. She wants him to hurt as much as she does. She wants everything stripped away from him. She wants him to have a sleepless night and not be able to eat. She wants him to feel as empty and betrayed as she does. Maybe when he’s burned to ashes, tamped down until he no longer has anything or anyone, until he can’t love or trust anymore. Maybe then she'll feel happy, or at least not empty.

There’s a knock on the door and Rey stays silent. She knows it’s him.

“I promise I’ll leave you alone, just listen ok.” 

She walks to the door and waits. The door creaks open just enough for a box to be pushed though. 

“You’re right, ok.” 

Rey pulls the box into the room, sitting beside it.

“This is everything we have, everything I know about your parents and grandfather is in that box. I should have given this to you the first night you were here. I was scared of hurting you but now I realize how wrong I was. Now I’ve broken your trust. I want to try to gain it again, or at all, if you’ll let me.” 

Rey doesn’t say anything.

“I’m not going to bother you again, I’ll do everything you asked…” 

He hears Ben walk away and his bedroom door opens and closes. She opens the box to find it full of files. She pulls the first one out, one that says her name in big letters, and opens it. 

\--- 

Rey wakes up and looks around at the papers littering the floor. She spent all night reading them and slept all day. Now she just feels Raw. the Solo's left food for her outside her door and she goes and brings it in, setting it aside. 

She can’t unsee any of it. Her parents' bodies burned up, The scene of the crime, The witness accounts talk about how her parents screamed and cried. Her mom kept crying out, “Take care of her, take care of Rey, Tell her I love her.” Her dad spent the entire time trying to get them out of the burning car. 

They never caught who killed her parents and believe that Rey was also supposed to be murdered or kidnapped. That same night someone had tried to break into Rey’s room but was stopped.

Her grandfather was a hard criminal and the evidence of it is overwhelming. There’s an outline of how Sheev bribed and blackmailed politicians to pass laws. Rey looks at her bracelet in horror reading about how her grandfather made the very law that shackles her now pass. She almost throws up when she reads about associates of her grandfather kidnapping a boy, the child of a politician, and holding him, trying to force the politician to vote how he wanted him to. They tortured the boy, removing a toe and delivering it to his parents. When the boy returned home he couldn’t function properly for years, spiraling into depression and anxiety.

It doesn’t stop there. Rey looks at pictures of things her grandfather was connected to, murders, smuggling, drug deals. She can’t comprehend how the kind man who raised her was also a murderer. Every good memory feels like a facade.

And a letter, addressed to her that she opens now with shaky hands.

My dearest Rey, 

What I would give to play one more game of hide and seek. I’m so sorry and I love you so much. 

~ grandfather. 

It’s a message just for her. He used to hide a treasure chest, always in the same spot. He told her that if she was ever in trouble she could look for treasure. He’s left something for her.

There’s a knock and Rey answers the door, expecting Ben but finding Padme. She lets her in and Padme looks at the files. She picks one up and starts reading. 

“Did you know?” Rey asks. 

Padme looks up, tears in her eyes. She turns a photo of Rey's burned parents over. 

“I knew, but I didn’t know.” 

Padme sits on Rey’s bed and reads. 

“What do I do?” 

“Only you can answer that, Rey, do you know what you want?” 

“I don’t even know who I am.” 

Padme pats the bed next to her and Rey sits, letting Padme pull her into a gentle hug.

“I know this girl, beautiful on the inside and out. She’s endured so much, lost so much. She’s outrun an entire government, held her own against those who try to control her. She’s her own person, someone who is unashamedly herself. She would make her parents so proud.” 

Rey looks down. 

“Sometimes it feels like everything and everyone is against you. When someone hurts you it’s easy to assume that every action they take is against you. Have you considered that maybe that’s not true?” 

Padme stands and walks out, leaving Rey alone for several minutes before returning. She pulls out a bottle of pills and a small pair of bolt cutters, handing them to Rey shakilly. Padme runs her hand over the still healing scar Rey received running away.

“Life leaves scars, but no matter how deeply you hurt you can always heal. In the end scars show us how far we’ve come.” 

Rey looks at the items Padme gave her.

“It will take twenty minutes for them to kick in. I only have enough for a week. There’s a window at midnight, thirty minutes where security is changing. Don’t cut the bracelet until you’re ready to run.” 

“I don’t know,” Rey says, fear gripping her and bolting her to the bed. Padme grabs Rey's shoulder, laying a hand over her heart

“Let your heart guide you, whether you decide to leave or stay, wherever you go know that nothing and nobody can make you be someone who you aren't. Listen to yourself right now and what you want.” 

“Why are you giving these to me now?” 

Padme shakes her head sadly and walks to the door.

“I love you Rey, I would do anything for you. I really truly just want to be happy.”

Rey looks at the bottle of suppressants, turning it over in her hand as Padme leaves. 

She doesn’t know who she is or what she wants but she intends to find out.

She opens the bottle and swallows a pill, thinking about the lies and hiding. She feels a weight lift off her shoulders as the suppressants kick in. Her mind becomes clear, no longer tied Ben. She found her way across the sea once all by herself, she can do it again. She feels a calling from inside her, pushing her toward truth and freedom. She will carry everything she’s learned with her, the people and experiences, and she will decide now what she wants. 

In a world that takes everything, Rey will now take something back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all get ready for these last few chapters, they're rough. I'm sorry but I also might have to add another chapter. There's just so much I have to resolve and we still have a bit more pain to wade though before Rey and Ben can fix anything. I know a lot of readers wanted the Solo's to basically let her go. I felt like it was important for Rey to empower herself, leaving (and potentially coming back) on her own terms. The Solo's giving permission for her to leave didn't feel right. It doesn't fit their character or Rey's. It also doesn't fit the world, like it's just not something that can happen in this society with the established laws and the Solo's being watched closely by the government. 
> 
> Why couldn't they get Rey suppressants before this point? Why did Padme hold out until now? She had these the whole time???
> 
> Ah, yes, those are good questions.


	13. Letting Go

The seconds tick closer to midnight and Rey gets to work digging through her room. She finds a bag and fills it with some papers from her file, clothes, the money card Leia gave her, and toiletries. Minutes before it’s time to run the room becomes clear, like she put on a pair of glasses. It’s sharp and bright, every detail jumping out at her. The specs of dust in the air float around her and she stares at the room taking in every detail. Her head starts feeling light and she realizes she’s stopped breathing. There’s hesitation. Anxiety. Maybe it’s fear or maybe guilt, she doesn’t know. Her mind turns to what will happen to the Solo’s. She knows, even though she doesn’t want to admit it, that running away from them will fuck their lives up. The moment she leaves her room she’ll be doing something she can’t take back.

It takes several deep breaths and hyping herself up to cut the bracelet and climb out of the window. The climb down is easier this time. She hits the ground after a few short minutes and starts running, making it down the street before she has to stop to catch her breath. She feels elated, free and happy, the world is open to her. 

Then the initial adrenaline rush dissipates and her heartrate settles. She’s left alone in a dark alleyway. It’s a sliver of freedom and she wonders if it will be worth it. She hopes so. 

She makes her way to the closest bus stop and reads the map, running her hand over the spot where Finn and Poe’s house is. She knows it’s where she needs to go. It’s the only way she can think to get home. 

“Where to honey?” A tired looking woman says.

Rey almost turns around and goes back. What if the letter says something she doesn’t want to hear? What if something terrible happens? She takes a deep breath and hands over her money card before climbing in a large bus to start her journey. The island was an illusion, it held a life that did not exist. The illusion is broken now and all that’s left is the reality that the facade was built around. Rey is tired of everyone knowing more about her than herself. Even if something horrible happens or if what she finds out breaks her heart she has to go. She can’t live her life knowing that there’s truth out there and she didn’t go find it when she got the chance. 

-o- 

It takes over twenty four hours to finally reach the charming little house she once knew. Rey was so focused on getting away that she hadn’t considered how it would feel to be back. As she stands outside hyping herself up she goes through a range of different emotions. Anger at first that they gave her away without even talking to her first. Then she feels a sense of loss thinking about how much she cared for them, how she felt loved and safe and like she was part of a family. She misses that feeling and it hits her that she may never feel that way again.

She waits until she’s sure they’re fast asleep before walking to the back door and trying the handle. It turns easily; they never did lock the doors. She tiptoes through the house and stops at a picture frame. It’s her, she doesn’t even know when it was taken. She picks it up and looks at it, almost feeling guilty about what she has to do. 

“Your mate called, told us when you would be here. He wants you to call him.” 

Rey jumps and looks over to see Finn and Poe standing across the room. She puts the photo down and makes eye contact.

“Are you going to call him now?” 

“Do you want us to?” 

“Does it matter?” 

Finn slowly walks towards Rey and she backs up in response looking at Finn with distrust and heartbreak. He stops and slackens his shoulders.

“We should have told you before he showed up here, we were afraid you would run off.”

Rey crosses her arms and takes another step back. 

“Why are you here Rey, are you ok?” Finn asks.

Rey looks back and forth between Finn and Poe before dropping her arms and giving up.

“My grandfather left me something on the island.” 

There’s a pause and then Rey watches their eyebrows raise in unison as they understand.

“You need our boat.” 

Rey nods. 

“So you were just going to steal it?” 

She nods again. 

“I was going to bring it back after.”

“We could get in a lot of trouble for helping you, you know that right?” Poe says.

Rey walks over to the couch and plops down putting her face in her lap. Finn comes next to her and rubs small circles on her back.

“We’ll take you there,” He says quietly.

Rey pauses for a moment as his words wash through her. She feels a mix of relief and resignation. Even in the time she was on her own she still had to rely on others. She puts her arm around Finn and leans against him. Maybe relying on others isn’t a bad thing and fighting the instinct to form attachments only ends up leaving her hurt. She doesn’t trust Finn and Poe, at least not the way she did before but she also isn’t angry.

“Thank you.” She whispers

They don’t waste much time. Poe makes a sandwich for Rey and they hitch up the boat. It’s a long and cold ride to the island. Seeing land is a relief and yet Rey finds herself unable to move as they dock. The night she left was one the most difficult of her life. Flashbacks play in her head and she half expects a group of men to come running at her from the house. 

“Do you want us to come with you?” Poe asks

“No,” She breathes before steadying herself and starting the walk to the house. 

The island looks exactly the same and somehow wildly different than what she remembers. As she looks around at all the familiar rocks and trees she begins to understand that the island isn’t what’s different, She is. Her eyes have changed, giving her the ability to see the headache inducing complexity of shapes and colors that were blended and muddied before. Beautiful memories of her childhood sit beside the knowledge of lies and control. She can see it all and it overwhelms her.

It doesn’t take her long to find where the letter is hidden. She opens it with shaky hands and reads the last words her grandfather wrote to her. 

-o-

Rey, 

You probably have so many questions and I’ll do my best to answer them before I have to do what I have to do. I’m going to die now, I’ll make sure they kill me or I’ll shoot myself. I can’t be brought in and questioned. If they find you they’ll use you against me until I crack. There are people who count on me, what I know could bring down an entire organization.

You’re what’s called an Omega. The medication I give you suppresses it, but even with the medication it’s who you are. Omegas are kind and caring, meant to serve others. They’re also strong and resilient, I know you’ll escape this island. I’ve included directions to a safe house that I had set up just in case. Rey, I only have one month of medication for you. When it runs out you’ll go into what is called a heat. It will be painful but you’ll be ok. Do not leave the safehouse after you run out of suppressants. People will be able to tell you’re an Omega and you will be in danger. I have it arranged for someone to bring food and supplies to you for as long as you need it. You won’t have to worry about anything and can spend as much time as you need living there, even your whole life if you want.

There’s a family, the Solo’s. A man, Ben Solo, was assigned to be your mate when you were just a little girl. They’re a good family and one day when you're ready they’ll protect you and love you. There's a file about them at the safehouse. They’re the ones who are here now but their issue isn’t with you, it’s with me. They think that I’ve been hurting you for the past several years. 

You’re probably wondering why, why didn’t I tell you about any of this. 

Twenty years ago I made a decision that ended up haunting me forever. I gave the go ahead to kidnap the child of a politician, one who was my friend. My men tortured this child and sent him back to his parents broken. We needed to get a law passed that now feels so trivial. I lost my soul that day and five years later, in direct consequence to that choice I lost my son and his wife, your parents. They tried to take you too that night to return the favor, thankfully they didn’t succeed. That boy is now a man and what I didn’t consider 20 years ago is that I may have been creating a monster, and by monster I mean someone exactly like me. Be careful Rey, there are people in this world who want to hurt you. It’s not fair but life never is.

I brought you here after your parents died vowing to keep you safe, to raise you right and give you a childhood away from pain, one I hadn’t given your father. I was supposed to hand you off to the Solo’s when you turned eighteen but the day you presented as an Omega and I saw your pain I did something rash, I gave you my suppressants. I just wanted a little more time with you but as soon as my medication wore off all those feelings of inadequacy and failure to protect your father came crashing back. I let myself spiral into my Alpha biology. Even as I write this I feel a sense of intense need to protect you. I failed to protect my Omega and failed my child. I can’t fail you Rey. I kept telling myself that one day I would have to let you go but every time I thought about it I just couldn’t. It may be selfish but I couldn’t let go of you. It turns out that life isn’t worth much without the people you love, and I love you Rey. 

I hope I did the right thing. I hope that when you come out of your hiding place and find this letter you’ll understand why I did everything I did. 

I love you Rey 

-Grandfather. 

Rey lets the letter fall to the ground. She starts taking steps back until she hits the wall. She doesn’t know what she was expecting, for there to be some explanation that would make everything ok, that would refute everything she’s been told about him. It doesn’t. 

What hurts her now is that she doesn’t feel anger. He was her captor, lied to her just as much as everyone else in her life. If he was standing in front of her now she would scream at him and lock herself away. She would run from the island and not look back. He’s not in front of her though, he’s dead, and she loved him. She feels deep and true love for someone who murdered, tortured, lied, a criminal. How can she love someone like that? Her chest tightens and she starts feeling lightheaded. 

What if she had stayed hidden like she was supposed to that evening? What if she came out and found the letter, had time to process everything and decide when and if she wanted to call the Solo’s. 

She feels tired and trapped. It doesn’t feel good to be back on the island, it feels just as much a prison as the Solo’s house and she wants to leave. She gathers the letter and directions to the safe house.

She has one more thing she has to see, hopefully she’s able to. Hopefully the cleverly hidden security system wasn't found during the ransacking of her home. She walks to the hidden cabinet and uses her thumb print hoping that it will let her in.

And it does.

-o- 

“Where is she?” Ben asks.

“Don’t worry Solo, we’ll find your little Omega after we deal with him.” 

Knight. She didn’t know he was there. She didn’t notice any of them that night, only Ben, only her Alpha.

“You can come nicely.” Knight gives a sly smile as he pulls out a gun

“Or not.”

Sheev pulls out a pistol in turn and Ben looks back and forth between the men. 

“You have three seconds to leave before I start shooting… Three,” Sheev starts.

Knight smiles and Ben's eyes widen.

“Two,” He continues.

“Don’t,” Ben cries but it’s too late. The shot is firing off and Ben is standing there shocked, looking at the blood pouring out of sheev.

“One,” Knight finishes.

“You weren’t supposed to kill him.” Ben says. 

“He was torturing your girl wasn’t he?” 

“I wanted but… This is not… You aimed for his head… You murdered him.” Ben says. He looks away from the scene and his eyes land on something.

“Rey.” He breathes “Don’t you fucking go near her Knight.” He yells before running out of frame.

-o-

Rey doesn't even react, her mind won’t let her. She slowly turns off the monitor and walks to her old bedroom, looking around at the mess all over the floor. She finds her little stuffed stingray and stands there with it for a few minutes before walking all the way to the ocean. 

She wades in, holds the stuffed animal to her chest, and lets herself feel. She feels everything all at once, from her parents death to the moment she stepped out of that window, the good and bad. There's use in objects that comfort, that remind someone of their past and where they came from. There’s also use in letting go. In realizing that there’s no going back and the only way forward is to say goodbye. In taking a quiet moment to thank an object before letting it go. It’s symbolic but sometimes symbolism can be so strong that it becomes reality.

“I love you,” She whispers. 

Rey lets the little stingray fall into the ocean and be carried away and with it goes a weight she’s held in her for as long as she can remember. 

She makes her way back to the boat, stopping when she sees a little flower. She leans over and picks it wavering with it for several moments before putting it in her bag.

“Did it go well?” 

Rey settles in the boat and gives a small smile. 

“Yes, I think so at least.”

-o-

Rey is exhausted by the time they arrive back. She doesn’t feel safe there though. The safe house isn’t far, a few hours to walk. She can make it, she knows she can. She may fall over from exhaustion by the time she arrives but she has to go.

“we can give you a ride wherever you need.” 

“It’s better you don’t know where I’m going, safer that way for all of us.” 

Poe disappears inside of the hose and Finn pulls Rey into a hug. Poe comes back and stuffs some food in her bag before joining them in the hug. He looks at her awkwardly.

“He wasn’t coming after you. He knew where you were. You used a money card Rey, they can be tracked.” 

Rey bites her lip and looks down feeling dumb for not knowing that.

“I think he genuinely just wanted to know you’re safe. There was something he wasn’t saying, I don’t know.” 

“Thank you.” Rey says as she pulls away.

It’s bittersweet, seeing them and now leaving. Rey takes a step back and then turns away.

“Stay safe Rey,” Finn calls out as she walks slowly down the driveway. 

She turns back and gives one last smile and wave before turning on the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took soooo long to finish. Lots of random stuff happened, not bad stuff just life. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long to finish but we'll see. this fic takes a decent amount of emotional energy to write and sometimes I have to put it down for a few days or even a week.


	14. crushing flowers

Exhaustion hits the moment Rey steps foot in the safe house. She doesn’t even glance around, has no idea what the home looks like. She finds the first soft surface and falls asleep. 

The sun is setting when Rey wakes up and for a moment she forgets where she is. She’s not sure how much time has passed but guesses she was asleep for at least fifteen hours. It’s disorienting and she sits for a few minutes taking everything in. Several feet away she notices a couch that she could have slept on if she hadn’t fallen asleep on the soft rug.

She clutches her stomach as hunger pains tear through her. She grabs her bag and pulls out a sandwich then stands and walks around the house. The outside is dull concrete, surrounded by woods. It looks abandoned and nowhere near livable, but the inside is beautiful. It’s simple and elegant with a large living room and kitchen and a small bedroom with a cozy bathroom attached. She opens a drawer full of clothing and pulls out an outfit, taking it to the bathroom. The shower feels amazing on her sore muscles and she lets a feeling of contentedness seep into her skin as tension is released.

All she wants now is to rest. She wants her brain to think about food, water, comfort and nothing else. So she rests. She ignores everything and spends three whole days relaxing. Her grandfather, the Solo’s, her parents, Omegas and Alphas. Nothing exists outside of her warm blanket.

But then resting gets old, the voice inside her starts to grow louder, insisting that she face her feelings. She walks over to a file cabinet, one she’s been ignoring, and opens it up. Her hands shake from the fear of what she’ll find as she picks up the folder. She always finds something horrible, every truth like peeling off the rotting skin of an onion. It always reveals a new flawless layer of facts that sting her eyes.

She stares at the picture on the first page before bursting into laughter. A family portrait from when Ben looks to be around thirteen. They stand on a beach together in the most unnatural pose imaginable. They match, all wearing an unfortunate shade of pink. She wonders whose idea it was because everyone in the picture looks very much annoyed with the entire situation. She’s keeping this one, she knows there has to be a story behind it. She puts it in her bag and flips through the file having to stop several times to laugh at the absolutely absurd information it contains. 

Rey wonders who put together the folder and why they decided that Ben’s detention report from school needed to be included.

Ben Solo  
Reason for citation: Spent assigned research hour replacing the bookmarks on school computers with links leading to meerkat photos; stated that they “remind me of you Mr. Kenobi” when confronted. Meerkat photos are now left on my desk daily and students call me “Meerkatnobi”  
Action taken: Parents notified, loss of computer privileges for one week.  
Signed: Mr. Kenobi - Librarian.

Rey starts feeling lightheaded from the laughter that won’t stop coming. 

Then she cries.

She sees this family in the files, so familiar while at the same time strangers. She realizes that if she came here and read this first she would want to be a part of their family. The opportunity to meet them without fear, to choose to be with them was stripped from her. She left her safe spot that night, ignored warnings. She didn’t know that the rebellion would cost her so much. If she had known,

But she didn’t know. 

Ben didn’t know. Leia didn’t know, Han didn’t know. None of them knew what they were doing and now she’s here, broken, staring at this paper family; something that could have been.

Everything she reads is true and accurate. It’s all stuff she knows. It talks about Alphas and Omegas, the laws around her autonomy. It tells her of the Solo’s past, how they’ve lost friends and family. There’s a picture of her as a newborn in the hospital, Han and Leia standing next to her moms bed smiling wide. It says How they’ve spent years looking for her, that they had the option to have a different Omega but refused. They wouldn't give up on Rey, would never stop looking until they knew she was safe and happy. She was family to them and they wouldn’t abandon family.

It’s all just facts. It doesn’t describe how it feels to sit with Leia and watch the pain behind her eyes as she talks about Rey’s parents. It doesn’t describe how it feels to be so close to someone that even a room away feels far, how no matter what she feels about Ben she’ll always crave him. It could never convey how it feels to actually live with people who are so tired and broken. It’s one thing knowing the facts and completely different knowing how those facts affect the people they belong to. 

If Rey had seen this file she would have gone, she knows it’s the truth. 

She didn’t see the file though. 

Rey walks to the kitchen and fills a glass of water, looking out the window at the trees that surround her hiding place.

She thought being on suppressants again would make her feel better but it’s made everything so much worse.

It was her justification for every feeling. her attraction wasn’t her, it was the bite. It was biology. It’s only hormones, she’s forced to feel the way she does. As she watches a sprinkle of rain start falling from the sky she hesitantly lets herself feel what it would be like to let go. She lets herself consider the attributes of Ben that she’s ignored. She thought that the things he had done to her meant he can’t be good, that he couldn’t love her while also making choices that hurt her. Now she doesn’t know.

She takes a deep breath.

He loves his family. He loves planes and books and milkshakes. He’s goofy and awkward. Sometimes he gives a genuine smile and his eyes crinkle up, it’s cute. He’s got this way he walks, so confident, but then sometimes his confidence falters in front of her. He lets his guard down and she sees someone who’s just as scared and hurt as she is. He makes her feel safe in a way that doesn’t totally make sense to her. Maybe it makes her weak, but she loves feeling safe. It’s something she took for granted and now that it’s gone she realizes how good it was to feel secure. When he holds her she feels calm, her anxiety leaves her and she can fill her lungs all the way without pain. It was just hormones she had told herself. Her hormones are suppressed though and she wants it now. She wants to be held, and she doesn’t want just anyone, she wants Ben. Maybe her need for closeness isn’t an Omega thing at all, maybe it’s human.

Rain starts falling a little faster and the sky darkens. Rey watches the storm start to gather above her.

Ben chased and terrified her, locked her in a room, bit her as she cried no. He’s lied to her, betrayed her trust. He’s hurt her more than anyone else ever has. But if she actually takes a step back she realizes that he hasn’t done more than anyone else to her, it just feels that way. Why do Ben's actions hurt Rey more than anyone else's? 

Before, she would ask herself if she could love him. Now she understands that that’s the wrong question. Really what she doesn’t know is if she should love him, because despite everything that’s happened she thinks she might be able to. She has real feelings for him that if she’s completely honest with herself she doesn't want to fight anymore. She doesn’t want to keep pretending that he’s a monster, blaming everything that’s happened in her life on him. She’s blamed him for every single loss she’s ever felt whether it was his fault or not and she’s been so blinded by her pain that she’s completely overlooked every time Ben has pushed away his instincts for her. How she’s watched his eyes dilate and sweat pour from his body before backing away from her. How he’s slept on the floor beside her bed, never asking for even a pillow. How he sat outside her room all night during a thunderstorm just in case. How in every step he’s done what he thinks is right, his decisions always revolving around her. Her safety, her happiness, her love. Even if he did the wrong thing, it was never meant to hurt her. 

She’s here now because he didn’t chase her. He let her go. 

He never forced himself on her, always backed away every time she said no. When she came onto him he stopped her, cared more about her long term needs than temporary pleasure. He’s had every opportunity to command her and yet he never has. She’s been commanded twice by Hux and once by Knight, but Ben… He didn’t even command her at Finn and Poes house. She ran from him and he chased but didn’t command her to stop. He let her go that day. The realization overwhelms her. He’s never wanted to catch her, he wants her to come to him. He told her that but she didn’t hear, she was in too much pain to see him as anything other than a villain. How many instances did she miss where he had the opportunity to use his power over her and chose not to?

She grits her teeth and confronts a hard truth. She was never going to make it on her own. She was an unmated Omega in a world that works against her. She needs people. 

He did hurt her though, he caused her so much pain. Real and tangible pain that can’t be ignored. She has a right to be angry at what he’s done, but should she feel angry about what he hasn’t done? He didn’t kill her parents or her grandfather. He didn’t make her an Omega or pass the laws that bind her. He didn’t choose to be assigned to her, but he did choose to be her mate, to care about her even if she didn’t care about him.

It’s everyone's fault. Her parents, her grandfather, Ben, Leia, Han, agent Knight and even Rey in some ways. It’s a line of dominoes set up by everyone around her. Once the first one fell the rest followed, and here she is now, the weight of a hundred small choices made over the span of twenty years knocking her over.

Large drops start hitting the ground and Rey watches the dirt turn to mud outside. The storm is here now, it makes the world feel dark and foreboding and Rey doesn’t like it. She’s never liked storms.

She closes her eyes and leans her body against the kitchen counter, physically exhausted from the layers of rotted onion she peels off herself. 

She rips off another layer, confronting why Ben’s actions hurt her more than anyone else's. She does feel love, or if not love at least care for him. It would be so much easier for her to hate him but she just doesn’t.

There isn’t escaping it. The cage isn’t the Solo’s house, it’s not the island either. It exists inside of her, chaining her no matter where she is or where she goes. Others may have put her in a physical cage, constricting her movements and agency but Rey put herself in a cage too. She wasn’t happy at the Solo’s, or on the island. She’s not happy here either and wouldn’t be even if she’d come here first. There’s nowhere she can go that will fix her, it’s not that simple. She keeps trying to run away but she can’t run from her mind. Her only option is to find the key and free herself.

Rey deserves to feel however she wants, to let anger burn in her like flames and resentment grow until it consumes everyone in her path.

But what if what she wants to feel is not hatred and anger but forgiveness and love?

What if she doesn’t want to let resentment grow, to make people suffer like her, to squish them under her heel?

What if she wants to open herself up to a friendship, to happiness, to love?

What if she can find happiness with Ben? Because she can. Rey could heal and forgive and maybe one day even love and trust Ben with her whole heart. but should she? 

What if there’s no should, what if should is lie and there only is? What if in her attempt to not be controlled and manipulated, to hold onto herself, she shackled herself, forcing herself to fight against something that she actually might want? What if in an attempt to hurt the Solo’s she’s ended up hurting herself so much more? Is their pain worth her own? Is pushing them into a cage worth it if she has to follow them in?

She’s supposed to find what she wants here but as thunder claps above her head and her body instinctively reaches out for comfort, she just feels alone.

She walks over and picks up her bag, pulling it over her head so it sits sideways on her body and opens it up, searching for something. 

A little flower.

“Rey?” a deep gravelly voice booms through the room.

He grabs the back of her hair and throws her against the wall, her body dropping to the floor as the breath is knocked from her. The flower falls out of her hand and she stares at it as his muddy boot crushes it into the rug. 

“I’ve been waiting twenty years for this, too bad your grandfather isn’t still alive. No matter though, I’ll enjoy it anyway. Maybe I’ll send the Solo boy some pictures, show him how his pretty little Omega looks filled with a real Alpha.” 

“Snoke.” Rey breathes

“Ah, so you’ve heard of me. Good.” 

Rey stands up and faces the boy her grandfather tortured. He’s only ten years older than her but looks as though he’s lived three lifetimes. 

“He was always so blinded with you, thought he could hide you away. Stupid old man.” 

Rey backs into the kitchen and he follows until she’s standing against the counter and he’s only inches away from her.

“Apologies for my late arrival, I wasn’t expecting you to come here since you got picked up. I would have come right away if I had known.” 

He pushes against her and runs his hand down her cheek, licking his lips. 

“They say I’m like a clone of him, Sheev, he did create me after all so I guess it makes sense. It was easy to take his empire but you, you’ve been harder to get.” 

His hand brushes gently against her lips. 

“I deserve everything he had. Everything.” 

“Let me go.” Rey demands. 

He ignores her, his hand going down her shirt and stopping when he feels her mark. She shifts back against the counter and he takes the bait, pushing her up until she’s sitting up on it, her face inches from his.

“Your Alpha was stupid to let you out of his sight. I’ll be a better Alpha for you, never let anyone take you. I promise.” He grabs the back of her head and closes his eyes, pressing a kiss to her lips.

A few months ago Rey would be paralized but now she uses his weakness against him, grabbing a knife from the counter and stabbing him in the side.

He underestimated her, an Omega, shy and kind. but also resilient. He grabs his side and backs away.

“St…” he coughs and Rey takes off before he can catch his breath and release the command.

She runs out the back and through the muddy forest, weaving between trees until she’s far enough away that she can no longer hear the yelling from Snoke and his men. She’s so tired of running and tired of fear. No, she won’t forgive Ben and she doesn’t think she ever will and that’s ok, she doesn’t have to forgive Ben. If she does forgive him one day though it’s not a betrayal, she can do whatever she wants. She rummages through her bag relieved to see the pill bottle and swallows one.

Thirty days... or fifteen.

-o-

Rey walks slowly towards the brownstone. She’s wet, dirty, and tired. She reaches out and gives three slow knocks. The door opens and she stares at Hux who lets her in and locks the door behind her. Rose stands behind him and Rey looks between their concerned faces.

“Where is everyone?” She asks.

“At the hospital,” Hux replies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last few chapters are always the most nerve-racking to post. I hope y'all liked this chapter, I know it's a bit tedious with all the emotions Rey has to work through. 
> 
> And yeah I know, I don't know if I'll be able to fit it all into one chapter. The draft I have now is already over the chapter word count I've been using for this fic and it's still super rough. 
> 
> I know I keep saying this but I may need to split the last chapter into two.


	15. Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> STOP!!! READ MY FIRST NOTE, CHECK ADDED TAGS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‼️STOP‼️ WARNING - This chapter has implications of a suicide attempt and vague descriptions of it, talk and admission of an eating disorder (food restriction), self harm, Talk of depression, talk of self hatred, it's just generally really upsetting. ‼️‼️‼️
> 
> This is rough guys, please take care of yourself. 🙏
> 
> *walks in and throws chapter at everyone, whispers "I'm so sorry", runs and hides*

Rey’s heart drops to the floor. She stares ahead barely able to discern time passing around her. Rose's hand is on her shoulder, then she’s taking a shower, a new tracker bracelet, a car, the hospital. Everything is blurry and muffled, she walks through the double doors staring ahead in a daze. 

Han and Leia sit together at a small table. They turn and look at Rey and she stops, panic ripping through her. 

The shock from the news didn’t leave time to prepare herself for seeing them again. Before, she thought they would be angry at her for leaving and now she thinks they may have reason to be. Rey feels deserving of a little anger right now. 

Leia and Han stand and stare at her and for a moment almost all of Rey’s senses fade away. It’s tunnel vision, everything outside of the three of them nonexistent. Rey wants to back away and run, to hide from what she has to face. The consequences of her actions. 

But They don’t yell and their faces aren't even angry, just relieved. 

Leia runs towards Rey and starts crying, pulling her into a tight hug and Rey wraps her arms around Leia in return. 

“I’m so glad you’re safe,” Leia sobs.

Rey pulls away and looks between Han and Leia trying to form words that don’t come. An apology or explanation or even just hello. she can’t. Leia grabs her shoulders and shakes her gently. 

“Hey, no, it’s not your fault. I don’t want you to blame yourself for what happened, you had no control over it.”

“It wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for me.” 

Rey turns away and Han puts his hand on her shoulder. 

“We’re glad you’re ok, that’s it. You’re not at fault for this.”

A breeze moves through the room and Leia looks towards the doors.

“Knight,” she breathes.

Rey turns and sees Knight walking through the entrance.

“Han.” 

“Yeah, I’m on it.” 

Leia grabs Rey’s arm abruptly and pulls her along.

“You’ve been sick all week, a fever and a cough, we’ll stall,” she explains as they weave through hallways.

The door to the room is already open, only a curtain standing in her way. She brings her hand to the curitain, stopping when she hears Ben.

“I could have lost you,” He says.

“She needed them.” Padme replies.

“You needed them,” Ben's voice cracks, “And I needed you - We need you.” 

Rey hears quiet crying and Padme’s voice softens, She shushes him and hums.

The curtain feels heavy in Rey’s hand. She slowly pulls it back revealing Ben, sitting beside Padme with his head resting in her lap. Padme cries as she smooths the hair over his head. She looks up to see Rey and inhales, her eyes widening in surprise. 

“Rey,” she gasps.

Ben stands up and wipes the tears from his face quickly. He blinks a few times before walking carefully over to Rey.

“I’m glad you’re ok,” He greets her, eyes glancing up and down her body. 

She turns her head away not wanting to look at him. 

“Knight is here,” she says. 

Ben shifts on his feet.

“He’s been on me since… I have to scent you, if he finds out about the suppressants and that you left we could get taken in. I’m sorry, I don’t want to touch you but if we want him to leave us alone we need to convince him you never left. I… I might have to do and say some really uncomfortable things.”

They hear Leia and Knights voices from outside the room and Rey nods. 

“Do it.” 

Ben grabs her shoulders and brings his nose to her jaw moving it down to her shoulder then going to the other side. A shiver runs down Rey’s spine as he moves his wrists under her shirt, rubbing her skin in gentle circles. There’s a hot breath against her neck and his tongue lick behind her ear.

“What happened?” he asks, looking at the bruises that decorate her body.

“Nothing.” 

“There’s no way nothing happened,” Ben pushes. 

She shakes her head.

“What the fuck happened Rey?” His hisses.

The door opens and Ben's face quickly returns to a neutral position. 

“Ah, so you’re feeling better,” Knight smiles at Rey.

“Much,” Rey replies.

Knight takes a step towards Rey and Ben positions his body between them. 

“She smells strongly of you,” knight muses.

“As she should. Are you just here to ask about our sex life or did you need something?” 

Knight hums as he takes a paper from his coat pocket. 

“I have a warrant for your arrest. It’s suspicious, the timing of her ‘illness’” 

He takes another step toward Rey, craning his neck to look at her. 

“Omegas are a precious commodity and you my dear are a precious Omega, wouldn’t want you to get lost would we?” 

He turns his head towards Ben. 

“Would we, Mr. Solo?”

“I would never allow her to be in harm's way, that includes leaving our room when sick.”

Knight steps back and leans his shoulder against the wall.

“There’s lots of evidence that she ran,” Knight pushes.

Ben grabs Rey and gently pulls her into him. She buries her face in his chest and he pets her hair.

“You’re looking for something that isn’t there,” Ben says.

Knight's expression changes slightly.

“She’s a lot more submissive than before,” he crosses his arms.

“Just needed to be taught her place,” Ben raises his chin, “I take care of what’s mine no matter what.”

Knight gives a small snort.

“Is that true, Rey, were you taught a lesson?” 

Ben pushes Rey to the side, pulling her shirt up to show the bruises. 

“She knows her place.” 

Knight's eyes widen and he scratches his chin. 

“I was expecting a whole headache with you two but I guess I’ve been proven wrong,” he waves the warrant around before putting it in his pocket. “Good for you Solo, didn’t think you had it in you.”

He pushes himself off the wall and looks at Padme. 

“Have a good evening everyone, get better soon.” He waves.

Knight’s eyes land on Rey and he waits until they have eye contact to speak.

“And Ben, remember that if at any point your Omega decides to do something rash like, for example, stealing suppressants, we’re prepared to take the two of you into ‘protective custody.’” 

He makes eye contact with Ben “Make sure she understands that.”

The threat is clear and even as his steps disappear down the hallway his words remain in the air poisoning the room.

Rey crosses her arms and looks into Ben’s eyes. She hasn’t seen this expression before, Pure rage. The intensity itself may set her on fire. She steps back and inhales sharply.

“Just tell me,” he prods

“The child that my grandfather… Snoke,” Rey starts. - “I’m fine, really.” 

There’s a few moments of uncomfortable silence before Ben exhales and turns around.

“I’m glad you’re ok Rey,” he says, voice dripping with contempt as he opens the door and walks out. 

Her shoulders slump and she walks over to Padme, who sits in shocked silence. 

“I’m sorry,” Rey chokes out. 

“No Rey, I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I hope you understand why I didn’t tell you the reason I had suppressants.”

Padme pulls Rey's head into her lap and Rey’s tears replace the ones that were shed earlier by Ben. 

“Don’t you dare blame yourself,” Padme demands. 

“I wouldn’t have taken them if I knew,” Rey sniffles

“You needed them.” 

“You needed them,” She repeats Ben's sentiment, “I need you.” 

“We all make decisions that have consequences we weren't expecting,” Padme brushes her thumb over a bruise on Rey’s forehead. 

“I didn’t know Snoke would find you. I didn’t know how quickly it would start to wear on me without suppressants. I knew it could happen but I thought I would last to my refill,” Padme looks down in shame. 

Rey lifts her body up and they sit in silence for several minutes.

“Did you have any time to reflect, decide what you want?” Padme asks.

Freedom is the first word that comes to Rey’s mind but not because it’s what she wants. It’s what she wanted her whole life. As she looks now at Padme in the hospital bed, Rey acknowledges that freedom always has a cost. Maybe her idea of freedom was just as much an illusion as everything else in her life. A fake dream to take her away from the fake life she lived. If freedom doesn’t exist without consequences does it exist at all? 

Her grandfather spent his whole life breaking rules. He had money and power, could do whatever he wanted. The consequence was a loss of everyone he loved. His mate, child, and eventually his sanity. 

If Rey had the choice right now to leave, if she could walk out the door and never come back, She wouldn’t, she couldn’t. She thought she could subvert the cost of freedom if she didn’t care about them. That’s not how it works though. The cost of her freedom will always be someone else's. Not caring doesn’t get rid of the cost, it gets rid of her soul. 

It makes sense why love is such an effective tool of control; This cost is too high for Rey. 

This is another instance of someone holding information away from her, making her unable to make an informed choice about her life. She’s not angry at Padme though, not like she’s been in the past. Padme understood fully what she was doing, that to give Rey a chance at happiness she would have to give up her own. Padme made a decision, a choice, she transferred power to Rey. 

Padme has always been the only one without fault, the only one from the beginning to do what was right with Rey. She was a fairy godmother, giving Rey exactly what she needed, always showing up at the right time full of wisdom and hope. Rey now sees Padme as more than a fairy godmother. This is not a fairytale, a magic wand or bottle of suppressants won't fix anything. A few words of wisdom are only that, words. Padme is a human who lies and makes decisions that have repercussions just like everyone else. Somehow this isn’t upsetting to Rey, it’s hopeful. Rey doesn’t have to be perfect, she doesn’t have to know all the right answers. She can be comfortable sitting in uncertainty.

Rey is shocked and upset about Padme’s situation not because of the lie or guilt at what happened but because she doesn’t want to lose Padme. She loves her, it’s inescapable and undeniable. Rey loves Padme with a deep and beautiful love, one that takes her by surprise. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever love Ben, Leia, or Han, but she does love Padme. She knows that.

She still doesn’t have a picture in her mind of what she wants her life to look like but does know one thing. She takes Padme’s hand and looks into her eyes.

“I don’t want to lose you.” 

“I don’t want to lose you either,” Padme whispers.

“I love you,” Rey says in an almost imperceptible voice. “I don’t know when it even started. I just… I don’t understand how or why I feel this way.” 

“That’s how it happens, One day without warning you look up and realize that they’re your family. I knew the moment we met eyes on your first day. You’re my granddaughter Rey. I didn’t choose you, I don’t understand why, it just is.“

“I don’t know if I should forgive them,” Rey says.

Padme pushes a hair behind Rey’s ear and squeezes her hand.

“Tell me something Rey; After everything that’s happened, who are you the most angry at?”

It’s Ben, always has been. It floats between them without being said and Rey hangs her head realizing that she’s more angry at Ben then her grandfather, who isolated her or Snoke, even agent Knight. 

Leia tilts her head slightly as she waits for Rey to look up. 

“Anger is just aggressive pain, you don’t feel it without a reason. If you’re angry at Ben then there’s a reason to be.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Rey cries. 

Padme pulls her into a hug and shushes her. 

“If I give up, he wins.” 

“What is it that he wins?”

“Me.” 

Padme nods her head. “so then if the cost of Ben’s victory is you, what is the cost of your victory? How do you win? ” she asks.

Rey stops.

Is there winning in this world that holds her captive?

“I… don’t know.” Rey cries “You gave up so much and I don’t know.” 

“You could have dumped those suppressants down the drain and I wouldn’t regret my decision. I didn’t give them to you with any expectations of what you would do with them, I gave them to you so that you could have a choice, to give you a bit of power that you could hold in your hand, tangible and real, that’s it. If I had an expectation of how you would choose to use that power It wouldn’t be a gift.” 

Rey hugs Padme for several minutes before Leia comes in. 

“Han and I are going to head back. Rey, you’re free to come home if you want. I don’t know how many more suppressants you have left.”

“I don’t have anywhere else to go,” Rey admits.

“We could find somewhere for you?” 

“I don’t understand,” Rey shakes her head, trying to wrap her brain around the lack of anger at her, how nobody is trying to force her to come back. It’s not what she was expecting.

Leia sighs. 

“You’ve felt like a daughter to me since you were born, sometimes as parents you have to let go a little. You have to let them make decisions that you might not agree with. It’s your life and I wish you wanted to stay with us, I really do. I’m not going try to force you though. We want you to be happy and we want you to be safe, that’s all we’ve tried to do from the beginning. You have the opportunity right now to safely get some space, I don’t know if you’ll get a chance like this again. If you want to go I’ll help you.” 

“But Agent knight...” 

“Was trying to scare you.” Padme interrupts, ”Yes there’s risk but we can handle it. He does have power but there’s a limit, even for him. ”

“What would happen if they find out?” Rey asks. 

“Probably nothing, we’ve set up plans for if you’re caught on suppressants or without a tracker that will lessen the impact.” 

Rey knits her brow.

“Rey, Alphas are rarely abusive towards their Omegas, the ones who show aggression like that don’t get assigned. That’s why Knight was so surprised when Ben showed your bruises, Knight thinks he has control over Ben, that his threats and pressure have pushed Ben into going against his nature. It was a good show, I don’t think he’ll be back.” 

“But what could happen, what’s the worst?”

Han walks in and puts his hand on Leia's back.

“Ben would get a fine and corporal punishment, we would be forced to watch. They would bring both of you into custody and force situations to develop a stronger bond. Best case they would stick you two in a room together until they felt you were bonded, worst case they would either put you in a dangerous situation to trigger Ben or take away your birth control and trigger a heat.” 

Rey looks back and forth between Han, Leia, and Padme. 

“I think it’s time to go home,” she decides. 

-o-

Rey walks purposefully past her room and stops in front of Ben’s door. She’s never been in Ben's room, never even seen what it looks like. Gingerly, she puts her hand on the doorknob and falters for a few seconds before opening it. 

Ben sits by the window on one of the only remaining intact pieces of furniture. The entire room is destroyed, holes in the wall, sheets ripped, shards of broken glass laying unattended to. It’s a stark contrast from the carefully guarded persona he shows the world.

She stands in the doorway and waits. 

“I didn’t think you’d come back till you ran out,” He says without looking up.

“There isn’t really anywhere else for me to be.” 

He glances towards her then back out the window. 

“You should go.” 

“I have something for you,” She holds up the bottle of suppressants. “Thirteen days.” 

He stares at the bottle and looks away again.

“I don’t want them.”

“Why?” 

“Get out of here Rey before I…” he shakes his head “Just please go.”

“Before you what, destroy something? There’s nothing left in here to destroy.” 

Ben clenches his jaw.

“If anyone could find something to destroy in a sea of rubble it would be me.” 

Rey doesn’t move. She leans against the doorframe and waits.

“You need to leave before I start saying things to you that can't be taken back,” He fumes, flinging fury across the room. 

She throws it right back at him, crossing her arms and glaring angrily. This has always been the problem, he doesn’t tell her anything. He hides everything bad from her including himself. She never asked him to destroy himself for her, she didn’t ask him to do anything. 

“Say it Ben, don’t hold back,” she jabs. 

Ben grabs a water bottle from the windowsill and throws it. 

“I know why I’m angry, but why are you?” She tries again.

“I’m not angry.” 

She raises her eyebrows and glances back and forth between the water bottle and Ben. 

“Tell me Ben, tell me what you’re thinking.” 

“I can’t.” 

“Tell me.” 

“No!” 

“Tell me!” She screams. 

He closes his eyes tight then opens them and takes a step towards her.

“You ran!” he yells. 

He walks towards her, getting in her face. 

“You knew it was dangerous and went anyway. You got hurt and I wasn’t there to save you.”

No, that’s not it. She knows what his mask looks like by now, it’s still up.

“Stop lying.” 

Ben punches the doorframe.

“You tried to murder my grandmother,” He says, carefully reading her expression as he says it.

Rey holds back tears. He’s trying to hurt her, he’s trying to push her away. 

“That’s not it and I’m not leaving until you tell me why your room looks like this, why you’re so fucking angry.” 

He stands close to her, pushing her back until Rey is pinned against the hallway wall.

“I could command you to your knees, even on suppressants it would work for me. Even without commanding you though I could easily overpower you. You know what biology is telling me right now? It’s telling me to hold you down and fuck every hole until you beg for forgiveness, until you promise to never leave again. It’s telling me to force you to submit. I’m about to lose control and turn into the monster you’ve accused me of being, to make what I told Knight earlier a reality,” He gets close to her face, noses almost touching. “So get the fuck out now,” He releases her and takes a step back.

Rey has always run. Even when she yells and argues it’s always to push away conflict. A few months ago she would have been paralized but now - Now Rey wants to fight, to pick up a knife and stab her enemies in the side. Ben isn’t going to hurt Rey and she knows it, he’s trying everything to push her away.

He’s angry, but anger is just aggressive pain, and she’s angry too. She’s really angry.

“No,” Rey says. 

She pushes hard against his chest. He stumbles back and she keeps pushing him into his room until she’s pressing him against the wall, threatening him the same way he did moments before. He has a foot on her but right now she’s the bigger person.

“You don’t get to stand here and threaten me. You will tell me everything you’re thinking Ben Solo, the very least you can give me is honesty.”

His body slackens and he slowly pushes his neck over baring it to her in submission. The big scary man who chased and terrified her, who forced her into his life, who imprisoned her; turned to putty in front of her. She loosens her grip slightly and grabs his chin pulling it gently until he looks at her.

“What happened to you?” She asks quietly. 

His face melts as she holds him against the wall and all that’s left as the anger fades is intense pain. She can see it behind his eyes, so full of trauma, so full of suffering. 

“You left, but I understood why. I was even glad, I just want you to be happy Rey, that’s all I’ve wanted. I wanted to be a savior to someone, a good guy.” 

She can feel his heartbeat quicken as he takes several shaky breaths.

“I… I was the one that found her…” 

He looks over and Rey follows his gaze to a crumpled shirt on the floor. She releases her grip on him and walks over, picking it up to find it covered in dried blood. 

“I can’t get the images out of my head. It was like I was back on the Island again, The life was just draining from her. The doctor said the chances of her surviving were small, she’s still fragile even now.. “ he stammers, “ The last few months have been so hard and then seeing her... I’m not ok, I don’t feel ok, I’m not, I, I don’t, I’m not ok.” 

He paces around his room and then to the bathroom. Rey watches as he turns the sink on and soaps up his hands. Blood starts to flow into the sink and he keeps going. She observes him go back for soap three times, running out and throwing the bottle away in a bin full of empty containers, opening his cabinet to grab another. She grabs his hands and pulls them away from the sink. 

“I hate myself,” Ben admits. “I hate myself so much, it’s all my fault. All of it. I don’t blame you for not wanting me, nobody does. I don’t deserve love anyway. I was stupid to think I could ever be able to help you, I’ll never be the good guy.”

He runs his hand over his hair and looks right through her.

“I don’t deserve anything. Nothing,” he cries.

Rey does something she didn’t know she could. She pulls Ben close and lets out a low and gentle sound from her chest that satiates him. They fall to the cool tile together and Rey hugs Ben up to her chest forcing his body to calm down. He tries to move away, to tell her he’s fine and she holds him even tighter. 

Seeing Ben so broken doesn’t heal anything inside of her, it just makes her sad.

Why did she think that happiness was losing and misery was a win. This isn’t winning. It’s not a game, just people trying their best to find happiness in a dark world. Maybe Rey was never as trapped as she thought she was, has always held more power than she was able to see. 

He’s so easy to manipulate, so starved for attention. She could take what she wants from him easily, give him just enough love to keep him begging for more. He’s desperate and broken. She can use him when she wants something and throw him away over and over again and he would let it happen. He has let it happen. 

Ben’s spiral into madness is what she wanted. She knew what she was doing. She knew he wasn’t ok, saw the bags under his eyes and his bloody knuckles. She knew he was losing weight, wasn’t sleeping. She didn’t care. She was selfish and vindictive, wanted him to suffer like she did. He was big and scary and aggressive, a villain, and she refused to see beyond the facade, how he was so small and frightened. She didn’t know that this is what was going to happen, but it’s what she wanted. She wanted him to hurt.

“When is the last time you slept?” She asks. 

“I don’t know.” 

“And ate?” 

He looks away. 

“Ben…” 

“I enjoy it too much, food, sleep. It feels good and I don’t deserve to feel good.” 

She sighs and shakes a pill out of the bottle, grabs his jaw and forces the pill in his mouth.

“Take it,” The command starts in her chest, warmth pushing its way up and out of her mouth. 

And Ben obeys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Slowly comes out of hiding.* 
> 
> Please don't throw things at me, I'm so sorry. 😰 
> 
> This is it, the final drama, the last moment of the stress and pain. (Well, there's a hard conversation in the next chapter but it's nothing compared to what we've been through with this fic.) 
> 
> From here we start to cool down. I've added three chapters to help the process cause I felt like it needed a slower release of pressure after all that drama. Chapter 19 is an epilogue and will come out at the same time as chapter 18.
> 
> This chapter took a lot out of me. I wanted to have the whole thing finished when I posted it so I could get everything out fast but I need a break. I was debating waiting but decided to go ahead and post this chapter and then take a small break. Once I come back to this the remaining chapters should be out quickly. 
> 
> Oh, btw, I also have a ficlet started to accompany this series that happens like 30 years in the future and deals with the systemic problems within the society. If you're interested in that let me know, I'm not sure if I'm going to finish and post it yet. If I decide to finish it I want it posted with the last chapter. (Once my brain checks a fic off I have the hardest time coming back to it.)
> 
> I can't remember if I've mentioned it on this fic but on [My Tumblr](https://mosswillow.tumblr.com/) I have a post pinned with updates on where I am writing different fics. You can wander over there if you're wondering where I am on anything.


	16. Updates

UPDATE!

I have gone through and edited a few things for clarity and to (hopefully) make the final few chapters fell less out of nowhere, like it's slightly more clearly lead to what's about to happen (I think it has but also there are some inconsistencies that make it a little confusing). I didn't go super in depth through everything, just skimmed over and stopped where I wanted to do little changes. 

You don't need to read this or re read the fic! I'm just adding it so whoever wants to know the differences can know. The ending should still make sense without knowing the changes I made. It's still very similar but nor features a slightly less creepy Ben and slightly more helpful Solo family. 

I'm soooo sorry I'm making everyone think there's a new chapter, I know how frustrating it is to see a new one and it's an update instead. I have a few other fics I'm writing on my other account and then I'll come back to this one and finish it. 

Anyway here's everything I changed (the important stuff at least)

Chapter 1-5 

\- added a very small amount (like two sentences) of her struggle feeling like everyone leaves her, Finn and Poe comfort her and tell her they won’t leave. 

\- added her typing in Omega into the internet and choosing not to look it up. 

\- Poe originally said Omegas didn’t have to work. I clarified that they didn’t have to work unless they wanted to.

\- fixed an inconsistency with her being commanded when she’s caught at the Solo’s house, making it clear that Ben isn’t the one to command her. 

Chapter 6

\- It’s no longer implied that Ben changed her clothes (I was going to reveal that he didn’t look later in the fic but never got around to it and didn’t want to leave that implication without addressing it.) He was there but didn’t look, it was probably a doctor or nurse who did it. 

\- He’s very slightly less touchy/creepy and gives her a little more space, very subtle differences. He still does touch her more than he should, I think it's an important aspect to keep. It's just toned down a few notches.

\- When he purrs it was originally her stumbling and him catching her. I cleared up that she was fainting and he caught her as she was about to hit her head. 

\- I also changed his reasoning for purring from not wanting her to faint to worrying about her having a seizure. (This was actually how it originally went)

\- He explains slightly better what’s going on. 

\- If I remember correctly a a feeling readers had when this chapter came out was that he was too harsh when answering but I kept that in, it’s important to the plot. He answers all her questions honestly and truthfully. Her reaction, which makes total sense, is to attack him and not trust his words. This is what causes the initial spiral of lies that results in distance between them. 

\- I also kept that they lock her in but he does explain the reason a little more clearly. “It’s just for now. None of us thought you'd try to leave once you got here. I can’t risk you leaving now, I’m so sorry Rey, I don’t want this but I have to or... ” “...You didn’t think I’d try to leave the people who killed my grandfather and kidnapped me?” Rey interrupts. 

\- Rey brings up that everyone leaves her when talking to padme.

Chapter 7 

\- The doctor hands Ben Rey’s medical summary, I changed it from him looking at it briefly before handing it to her to him not even looking at it.

\- I forgot about Leia comforting Han in this chapter 🙃. I changed her dialog to be less comforting to him and more commanding. 

\- Ben’s explanation of why she can’t run away and why they won't hide her is slightly different now.

\- Han’s speech makes a little more sense and no longer implies that Omegas don’t have options but that her life is limited due to her specific situation. “You’re an Omega and you need to accept that, it’s not something that will ever change. The situation with your grandfather puts you in a unique and dangerous position. This world is not kind to people who rebel, we’re trying to protect you, give you options for your life.” 

\- Rey no longer has thoughts about Hans' words, she mostly ignores what he said and focuses on her inability to believe her grandfather was a criminal or trust the solos. 

Chapter 8

\- When they fight in the library I added “I have proof” when he goes and gets the blackmail photos. 

Chapter 9 

\- Ben actually leaves her room during her heat instead of sitting next to her. 

\- After they have a fight and he leaves I added a few sentences about her parents and fear of loss, how him leaving her in that moment made her feel the loss all over again. She can’t let him in because she can’t handle anyone else leaving her. 

Chapter 10

\- Slightly different wording when Ben explains the body guards so it’s clear that they all follow the same rules when leaving the home, it’s not just a rule for her. He also mentions that they have a phone for her (kept forgetting to add this when first writing and then it got too late and it makes something awkward to write in the second to last chapter) 

\- Rose asks Rey if she wants to tell Ben and Hux to back off or if she wants to piss them off before they run away at the airport. 

\- Rose tells Rey that the alcohol is hidden because she’s at work then adds that Alphas get weird about alcohol as an extra bit of information. 

-Rose offers to answer any question Rey has and gives Rey a book about Omegas. She says that the book was written by an Omega and is informative and gives great insight. 

\- Rey chooses not to read the book and stuffs it in her dresser and covers it with clothing.

Chapter 11

\- Leia mentions that Rey can visit Finn and Poe when telling Rey of different things she can do like school and work.

\- Slightly different wording when Ben purrs for her in the restaurant. He asks what she wants him to do before purring but doesn’t wait for an answer.

\- Added a sentence where she thinks about how she can’t let Ben into her life because it gives him power. 

Chapter 14

\- At the end of the chapter it’s clear that Rey hasn’t forgiven Ben and doesn’t feel pressure to, she says she may never forgive him. She acknowledges that it’s ok not to forgive him and that if one day she wants to then it’s not a betrayal on anyone.

Chapter 15 

\- When Rey is asking what would happen if she’s caught I added this explanation from Padme to the conversation, “Rey, Alphas are rarely abusive towards their Omegas, the ones who show aggression like that don’t get assigned. That’s why Knight was so surprised when Ben showed your bruises, Knight thinks he has control over Ben, that his threats and pressure have pushed Ben into going against his nature. It was a good show, I don’t think he’ll be back.” 

\- When Rey commands him at the end it’s a little more clear that she’s actually commanding him and it’s not a suggestion. It's still a bit ambiguous if he had to obey or was doing it because of his mental health though. (she'll finally learn more technical information about Alphas and Omegas in the next chapter.)

\--- 

I also fixed some typos when I saw them and reworded a few sentences throughout if they felt off. I (think I) took out all the "little one" endearments too, it didn’t really have the effect I was intending and was just confusing and felt weird. 

\--- 

I'm going to leave this chapter up until I post the next one. ❤️


End file.
